The Omen (1976)

 The Omen is the sort of movie that creates a sharp divide: either you believe it’s a genuinely creepy movie, or you think it’s a bad movie. To be fair, The Omen creeped me out the first time I saw it when I was about 12. Then I saw it a second time, and I found myself thinking one thing:

“Why would the Devil be so dumb?”

That one question ended any chance that I would consider The Omen a good movie. I have other reasons for thinking it’s a bad movie, but the “stupid Satan” reason outweighs the rest. If you want to defend The Omen, please feel free to do so in the comments—just remember this isn’t the place for theological debates.

Plot Summary

Ambassador Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) and his wife Katherine (Lee Remick) live in London with their perfect little boy, Damien (Harvey Stephens). But then Damien’s nanny kills herself, and a weird middle-aged lady replaces her. Baboons attack Damien and Katherine. Strange men pester Thorn with talk of the Apocalypse. Gradually, Thorn puts together the signs and figures out that Damien is really the Antichrist. Can Thorn bring himself to kill the boy?

Nutrition Facts

Vitamin B-Acting: 60%

Harvey Stephens cannot act. His attempt to display fright in the baboon attack scene is hilariously bad. Stephens’ face is like a mask—emotion doesn’t penetrate into his eyes. Having no empathy might be appropriate for the Antichrist. But given how the movie claims that the Antichrist will rise from the world of politics, it’s very difficult to see how this Damien could be a successful politician. Politicians need charm and charisma; Damien has neither. I’d wager that people would be more likely to look at 5-year-old Damien and think, “That boy is going to be a serial killer.” The acting and script just don’t mesh in Damien’s case.

"NO! NO! I WON'T ACT!!!"

The acting of Gregory Peck, Lee Remick and David Warner (the photographer) is not awful, but it isn’t particularly great, either. Peck appears on the edge of falling asleep several times. His performance often seems rather ponderous at times, which is also true of the movie in general.

The Hamminess Award goes to Billie Whitelaw, who really rocks her crazy-eyed demonic governess role in the climax. 

Mrs. Blaylock, Damien's, er, VERY devoted nanny

Vitamin B-SFX: 85%

The makeup job on Father Spiletto looks fake, and the photographer’s death is ridiculous. However, I’m thinking primarily of the music here.

My DVD version’s captions write out the Latin chanting in full. The music itself is already relentless and overused, but having the words visible only made the music seem even more idiotic to me. The music really spoils the events onscreen, because it tends to kick up well before a death occurs. We already have Satan announcing his murders well in advance—do we really need the music telling us when a death is about to happen, too?

Vitamin Fun: 30%

This is the sort of movie that’s best watched with fellow hecklers, because otherwise it will be painfully slow and boring. (Except for Harvey Stephens’ attempts at acting and the incredibly forced plot contrivances, of course.)

Sugar: 0%

Nothing will make you cry in this movie, unless it’s laughter, or the music finally gets to you.

Plot Fiber: 0%

If I was Satan from The Omen, I’d send this memo to my minions:

1) Thou shalt not kill using ridiculously convoluted methods in public places.

Beheaded by a glass plate in a place full of tourists? A hanging in front of at least 50 witnesses? Please, minions, just shoot them in a dark alleyway next time. 

2) Thou shalt not announce thy murders—or thy killing methods—in advance.

Clean up after your demonic auras so they don’t show up in photos, or in any other media. Seriously, how careless is it to leave an aura in the shape of the murder weapon you’ll use?

Death by spear--foretold in about 100 photos taken of the priest beforehand

3) Thou shalt dispose of all trace of thy earthly activities.  

You just left the bones of Damien’s real mother in a grave that anyone could find after a little investigating? 

Give me a break, minions! We have plenty of fires in Hell hot enough to incinerate remains! And why, exactly, did you leave all those people who knew about the Antichrist alive for so long? Bugenhagen, Father Brennan, and Father Spiletto should all have been killed as soon as they went against my mission. IDIOTS!!!

And this would be my personal list of New Year’s resolutions, as Satan:

1) Father an Antichrist who is not an antisocial twerp.

2) Ensure that future Antichrists’ human guardians can actually pass for normal in the real world.

3) Next time, use poodles instead of Rottweilers. Better yet, use Newfoundlands. Nobody expects a demonic Newfoundland! 

Pseudoscience and Political Pills: N/A