Each b-movie that I watch is subjected to a rigorous and utterly subjective review process. The Nutrition Facts are based on the criteria that I use to measure the badness of a movie. Each Fact is assigned a percentage value (up to 100%), based on the strength of that element in each movie. Generally, the higher a movie's percentage values are, the cheesier it is (with the exception of Plot Fiber). Here are the criteria, with explanations:
Vitamin B-Acting: How much does the acting in the movie suck? What kind of bad acting is it--hamminess, or lack of acting? Which actors are the worst in the movie? The higher the percentage value, the worse the acting in the movie.
Vitamin B-SFX: Measures the quality of the movie's special effects. The more dated, bizarre and/or cheap-looking the effects are, the higher the percentage value.
Vitamin Fun: Can a viewer actually enjoy watching this movie, or does a week of being chased by Supergator through lava tunnels sound heavenly by comparison? The higher the number, the more fun it is to watch the movie.
Sugar: How many tearjerkers are there? How much romance will you be forced to endure? The higher this value gets, the more likely the movie will spontaneously rot your teeth.
Plot Fiber: How much sense does the plot make? The lower this number, the cheesier the movie.
Pseudoscience and Political Pills:
Over time, I noticed that many b-movies contained their own political themes and preposterous scientific theories. These elements are pervasive enough in the b-movie universe that I decided to note them separately in my reviews. Not every movie will have both present, and some will have only one of the two. The supplements will be at the bottom of the Nutrition Facts.
For your convenience, I put a "Likelihood of Choking" calculation at the end of the supplement section. Sometimes the pseudoscience and politics in b-movies are so strong that they're capable of killing innocent viewers...