tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60782746562481768482024-02-07T00:10:53.893-05:00Vitamin B-Movie"One dose of cinematic schlock a week keeps the doctor away!"Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-29725195674293181302011-06-12T16:22:00.000-04:002011-06-12T16:22:40.692-04:00Almighty Thor (2011)<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hello everybody, I'm back! Sorry for the delay in posting--I started a new job recently and didn't have the strength to sit through b-movies. We shall start off the summer with a Syfy offering--<i>Almighty Thor</i>! </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrUaERqWl8w-3jB7WBfs3Tmc8gFmMf-LtQ3WMKDeNL-dqqowFXpQPVvn0PavDmMSIdyAGZb703hePu-c7x6xQYqX13cFwY6UNdcKaTomGTlItDTG-t600J89rmkMV9xLwo0mMAPz9khBO/s1600/images-63.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrUaERqWl8w-3jB7WBfs3Tmc8gFmMf-LtQ3WMKDeNL-dqqowFXpQPVvn0PavDmMSIdyAGZb703hePu-c7x6xQYqX13cFwY6UNdcKaTomGTlItDTG-t600J89rmkMV9xLwo0mMAPz9khBO/s400/images-63.jpg" width="286" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Syfy had already made <i><a href="http://vitaminbmovie.blogspot.com/2010/12/thor-hammer-of-gods.html">Thor, Hammer of the Gods</a>,</i> so I was curious to see how this second Thor would compare. Final verdict: <i>Almighty Thor</i> stinks way more than <i>Thor, Hammer of the Gods</i>. Read on...</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary</span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The evil Loki (Richard Grieco) wants the Hammer of Invincibility so he can take over Asgard, which is somehow connected to modern-day LA. Odin (Kevin Nash) hides the hammer in the World Tree's heart. His son Thor (Cody Deal) must retrieve the hammer before Loki can get his black-gloved hands on it. A Valkyrie named Jarnsaxa (Patricia Velasquez, in an inspired bit of bad casting) helps fend off Loki's minions while Thor searches for the hammer. Yes, it's true--Thor must go to LA to find the right portal into the World Tree's heart. Sadly, the script offered no rationale for putting the portal in LA. I would have really, really liked to hear that explanation.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts</span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 100%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">All three leads--Thor, Loki and Jarnsaxa--contributed to the high rating in their own unique ways. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvmFe33IfDdn4Tgg4ImvexeK63O5sFxG-njHBKxVPmzsmI_UmoaosptgbER17m3MFySzOxAIX3jnrKV9SUXc8SJHgBtAkYFljFHmnsqMGolKm6bDoBaGbcuu-WbADfYr15p-JRw7spn03/s1600/Thor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvmFe33IfDdn4Tgg4ImvexeK63O5sFxG-njHBKxVPmzsmI_UmoaosptgbER17m3MFySzOxAIX3jnrKV9SUXc8SJHgBtAkYFljFHmnsqMGolKm6bDoBaGbcuu-WbADfYr15p-JRw7spn03/s1600/Thor.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> Cody Deal cannot act, though he is marginally more believable in the role of Thor than Zachary Ty Bryan was, just based on looks alone. Deal's acting consists of two settings: 1) pouty teenage boy, and 2) slack-jawed, bored teenage boy. Though Deal is actually in his 20s, he captured teenage ennui and the slouched posture perfectly. So many times Thor looked as if he would rather be listening to his iPod than to Jarnsaxa's nagging.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Richard Grieco's Loki is a combination of a pasty-white Ben Stiller and an evil Luke Skywalker with the requisite overacting and spiky black armor. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Come to the Dark Side!"</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plus, he carries around a fake femur with a magic crystal attached, called "The Bone of Urrl."</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ah, the dirty jokes inspired by that bone...</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now we come to Patricia Velasquez. It is odd to see a Venezuelan play a Valkyrie, but her thick Spanish accent is what made her casting really jarring. Normally my hearing impairment makes it harder to detect accents, but even I couldn't miss Velasquez's accent. Oh, and she can't act either. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Kill the WABBIT!"</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 85%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The special effects follow the classically cheap, fake Syfy template--explosions and flames obviously superimposed on the scene, the "blue/green=good, red=evil" color scheme, and superimposed monsters with stiff-legged, jerky movements. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But what sets <i>Almighty Thor</i> apart from many other Syfy Original Movies are the "artsy" touches. Two of the best examples:</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) Thor fights a knight in slow-motion. Occasionally the scene switches to choppy slow-mo, as opposed to regular slo-mo. Thor defeats the knight, and rain falls in poetic slow-mo as he savors his victory. Enough slow-mo already! </span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">High Art Example #1</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2) When Odin and Thor talk to the Norns (kind of like the Scandinavian Fates), the Norns are taped in sepia tones with wobbly, blurred camera shots. If the crew was trying to make the Norns look high, they certainly succeeded. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxAvcEWm08UThpqTM0-RtafQmnkQ_u4uRz7sKs_oPy0DlEUm_hvuOvyJUIpjD51D5GqX2uYdekTUio0yg3o4fmNtdIP5vVLEdykAHWLipB0smIgtRfwtAuTnR8mbiIWawFU-D4L57PkjoK/s1600/images-65.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxAvcEWm08UThpqTM0-RtafQmnkQ_u4uRz7sKs_oPy0DlEUm_hvuOvyJUIpjD51D5GqX2uYdekTUio0yg3o4fmNtdIP5vVLEdykAHWLipB0smIgtRfwtAuTnR8mbiIWawFU-D4L57PkjoK/s1600/images-65.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">High Art Example #2</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 40%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The movie drags plenty, but the level of bad acting and the size of the plot holes should help hecklers stay awake. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 0.1%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The romance between Thor and Jarnsaxa comes out of nowhere about 3/4 of the way into the movie, and the "it's in the script" feeling is hilariously overpowering. Jarnsaxa and Thor do not make a convincing couple.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 0%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It would be easier to just list some of the most glaring plot/continuity holes, so here we go: </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) Thor's brother, Baldir, manages to pull out a double-headed pike that pierced his aorta. Very impressive, considering that sort of injury kills within a minute or two at the most.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2) As Odin lays dying from a wound Loki inflicted, he tells Thor where to find the Hammer. Why doesn't Loki just eavesdrop instead of making a big production out of following Thor around LA? </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3) Speaking of dying, if Loki was never "alive" and therefore cannot die, why isn't the same true for Odin? </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">4) The biggest plot hole of all--the LA element. When Jarnsaxa whisks Thor to LA, the sudden switch from medieval-ish Asgard to the smog-wreathed skyscrapers of LA has no effect on Thor. He remains as bored as ever, even when he's exposed to novelties like guns. Shouldn't he at least be choking on the smog? </span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From this...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV8soLZ1Mk_R4IWAn17jp5UuY4FRjCRmSR1nVpE6aCfAI2aSdAXXZdbey1JZrnJpN3epPpk3yUaHRD1rzdKWZbOZO2YY-Or007PkP609UPt3Hre06UKx9xsHDQn35fw_C_kF1Ks22vATQ5/s1600/images-64.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV8soLZ1Mk_R4IWAn17jp5UuY4FRjCRmSR1nVpE6aCfAI2aSdAXXZdbey1JZrnJpN3epPpk3yUaHRD1rzdKWZbOZO2YY-Or007PkP609UPt3Hre06UKx9xsHDQn35fw_C_kF1Ks22vATQ5/s1600/images-64.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...to this. No problem!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-21747717630658689042011-04-29T22:08:00.000-04:002011-04-29T22:08:10.685-04:00Godspell (1973)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZuvdmQQxAv392jA1ulaKjpnhu1t5iOLGILjPo6D4c-e5bnG4iQEJlat4d977Z3y3bE96CkhN7vxIM2YFqHTsoTgu_a6n_GHAZzWfp6xFxTWRubkO7Pofdsn5TYtaMLfKszZIeGL-noWjx/s1600/images-53.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZuvdmQQxAv392jA1ulaKjpnhu1t5iOLGILjPo6D4c-e5bnG4iQEJlat4d977Z3y3bE96CkhN7vxIM2YFqHTsoTgu_a6n_GHAZzWfp6xFxTWRubkO7Pofdsn5TYtaMLfKszZIeGL-noWjx/s400/images-53.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The programming over Easter weekend featured the old standbys, like <i>Ben-Hur</i> and <i>The Ten Commandments</i> (never mind that Passover is a Jewish holiday), but some unusual options appeared as well. Apparently <i>Die Hard</i> is now an Easter movie. Perhaps the logic went as thus: <br />
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<i>Die Hard</i> is a Christmas movie.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Easter is a holiday, like Christmas. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Therefore, <i>Die Hard</i> is also an Easter movie. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyrJYgidUtnw0x1PJC0mqVCBdVnlRXRoxSaMOvs7IW6Zxw4qgcbxNJ7omLSJVj3fvyP61Xy3MxzJ57P8OtXggUxpQJB5WjMjJ61fI2WbGN0Udn1li1KiWoZQpPTT6gERrOt0VjjXxDtwId/s1600/images-52.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyrJYgidUtnw0x1PJC0mqVCBdVnlRXRoxSaMOvs7IW6Zxw4qgcbxNJ7omLSJVj3fvyP61Xy3MxzJ57P8OtXggUxpQJB5WjMjJ61fI2WbGN0Udn1li1KiWoZQpPTT6gERrOt0VjjXxDtwId/s320/images-52.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The damn egg hunts get harder every year<span style="font-size: small;">.</span></td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">TCM, for its part, decided to feature <i>Jesus Christ Superstar</i> and <i>Godspell</i> during the primetime slots on the night of Easter Sunday. Clearly someone has a sense of humor at TCM—though I will say that both movies make more theological sense as Easter selections than <i>The Ten Commandments</i>. Just barely. I had wanted to see <i>Godspell</i> for years after reading about it in the <i>Golden Turkey Awards</i>. When I saw it…well, read on. <br />
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<b><u>Plot Summary </u></b><br />
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Jesus Christ (Victor Garber) prances about NYC in an afro and seriously creepy makeup with his “apostles.” </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUAIkshYyfIyF6wRhVKvU2D2cH4vfKFdtH0kLhtSXhxdI4J9x8ICNhxXQx3LAc3TIKsCwBpfZ_4uoRqW-IkHdAKNQYVj0xKrLrB32tNL8XNmJ7d9GrqZI0xwz_XbJVd9NPQ7u3DOz9k04Q/s1600/images-54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUAIkshYyfIyF6wRhVKvU2D2cH4vfKFdtH0kLhtSXhxdI4J9x8ICNhxXQx3LAc3TIKsCwBpfZ_4uoRqW-IkHdAKNQYVj0xKrLrB32tNL8XNmJ7d9GrqZI0xwz_XbJVd9NPQ7u3DOz9k04Q/s1600/images-54.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In repertory theater style, Christ and the apostles act out various stories from the Gospel of Matthew, including the Prodigal Son, the Good Samaritan, and others, which I can’t remember now despite nine years in a Catholic school... <br />
<b><u><br />
Nutrition Facts</u></b> <br />
<b><br />
Vitamin B-Acting: 100% </b><br />
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The entire movie comes off as a very bad repertory theater production. The ham jumps off the charts—overexaggerated expressions and gestures, stilted delivery, even rolling eyes. It gave me flashbacks of the touring theater groups that would sometimes visit my school. We had to sit through idiotic plays that shoved morals down our throats. The acting level in the movie was exactly the same as in those horrible plays. <b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Vitamin B-SFX: 80% </b><br />
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The SFX is almost nonexistent, but surely the giant mass of evil trash bags and recycled goods that served as the Pharisee qualifies for a high rating. <br />
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<b>Vitamin Fun: 75% </b><br />
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The movie has so many ridiculous, laugh-out-loud moments. The hideous clothing! Victor Garber’s afro! The Holy Macrame Bra of Damascus! (Antioch already has the Holy Hand Grenade.) The unhindered expression of ART and LOVE and PEACE—with rainbows prominently featured! </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC2xwwveWpdxb9iaTLBkxhAVf0DZej5TP1_-gjeOzyEdBDGNhZugFWojFxmv8v6mjFgCVTYAgmI7LYmVzz__XW0UMAbDDuw4mBGR1zxRN7999MrOZXNFpXKB5cG4gUE3fJV9rlm41L6o1k/s1600/normal_godspell3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC2xwwveWpdxb9iaTLBkxhAVf0DZej5TP1_-gjeOzyEdBDGNhZugFWojFxmv8v6mjFgCVTYAgmI7LYmVzz__XW0UMAbDDuw4mBGR1zxRN7999MrOZXNFpXKB5cG4gUE3fJV9rlm41L6o1k/s320/normal_godspell3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">While watching, I got the feeling that my dear departed grandmother might have disapproved of this movie’s ‘60s sensibilities. She probably would have made my father and his siblings watch <i>The Ten Commandments</i> instead…again. Or <i>Ben-Hur</i>, or <i>The Sound of Music</i>. <br />
<br />
But I digress. The numerous boring stretches and repetitive lyrics brought down the fun rating. After the actors sang “Prepare ye the way of the Lord” for the 15th time in a row (really), I was ready for them to move on. Most of the songs kill at least five minutes of movie time just by repeating the same lines ad nauseam. <br />
<br />
Then there’s the whole repertory theater feel. The movie often seems to think its audience consists of children, and frankly, this movie would be an insult to the intelligence of children. <br />
<b><br />
Sugar: 80% </b><br />
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The treacly, feel-good kind. You’re more likely to die from laughing than from choking on the sugar, though. <br />
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<b>Plot Fiber: N/A </b><br />
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I’m not going to argue with the Bible. But I will say this: if Jesus Christ had looked like Victor Garber in this movie, Christianity would not have survived. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jeKOZKV39pxgMW8AT1KtekmW_-d5byZcG7ORnKrdnEaBxUl-HXL6Ryji_4lPhr1AHHHYSYOM-rFdZXY1A_RIAOhsSSvs_yzckbtd53lZcE2AlHS4fdDmQqBWnQaWJZhWIOZgQXeepMWw/s1600/images-55.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jeKOZKV39pxgMW8AT1KtekmW_-d5byZcG7ORnKrdnEaBxUl-HXL6Ryji_4lPhr1AHHHYSYOM-rFdZXY1A_RIAOhsSSvs_yzckbtd53lZcE2AlHS4fdDmQqBWnQaWJZhWIOZgQXeepMWw/s200/images-55.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, that is a heart on his forehead.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-33436824564311333452011-04-09T21:36:00.000-04:002011-04-09T21:36:55.378-04:00Attack of the Puppet People (1958)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWAJnVujelXzD9FZ88_ahljqbl1Tlbd1ndDysJzHOXz9zrQxIkhahK9kuSL3ZtRyJgxehWZFjy-1_WuNwd-E5EfNfpXyh3xJDn21NwU_Pkb4qllczPQ42XLhFxfDn86KzoQ4_GUz8KcgT1/s1600/images-45.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWAJnVujelXzD9FZ88_ahljqbl1Tlbd1ndDysJzHOXz9zrQxIkhahK9kuSL3ZtRyJgxehWZFjy-1_WuNwd-E5EfNfpXyh3xJDn21NwU_Pkb4qllczPQ42XLhFxfDn86KzoQ4_GUz8KcgT1/s400/images-45.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If I had to describe this film in one sentence at gunpoint, I would say that it is the perverted great-uncle of <i>Honey, I Shrunk the Kids</i>. But that comparison doesn’t adequately convey how disappointing this movie is. “Attack of the Puppet People” was clearly the name the studio cooked up in a desperate attempt to attract moviegoers. This movie does not contain puppet people. There is no attack. The snarling dog so prominently featured on the movie poster turns out to be totally lame. (It’s not even the same dog from the movie.) For that matter, there are no "doll dwarfs" or "crushing giant beasts," as per the byline from the poster. Or even big shiny knives.</span></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b>Plot Summary </b></u></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A dollmaker named Franz (John Hoyt) went nuts after his wife left him. (Don’t they all.) Since then, Franz uses a ray gun to shrink his secretaries, mailmen, salesmen, etc. into living dolls—think Barbie and Ken-sized creatures. </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIg5L-9MjQ0YPHfzhuZFRAKQ2gdns6VVZnhz5v3lyD1xBMUMQ8-fV1TxlA4zEmXon06HBml0fGd9z0XTNCov5EuEBVPBmXqxe7F96va1OIS3P0cEcUWZt-DQfFttFHZCAJDziQ_0oClKCe/s1600/images-51.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIg5L-9MjQ0YPHfzhuZFRAKQ2gdns6VVZnhz5v3lyD1xBMUMQ8-fV1TxlA4zEmXon06HBml0fGd9z0XTNCov5EuEBVPBmXqxe7F96va1OIS3P0cEcUWZt-DQfFttFHZCAJDziQ_0oClKCe/s320/images-51.jpg" width="320" /> </a> </div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When he’s not busy watching the “dolls” dance or holding creepy conversations with a little girl, Franz keeps the dolls in a state of suspended animation inside glass containers. (You kind of have to wonder what else he’s made the dolls do.) </span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNTNws5E5O91SMKWOLxYV1TpC_4TsxUkPXHd35fR6veEbeyitM2_nJQu59jfvvf_AFHda34pP2doIkT4wM-ufUI8QDYSxoKdhJvUqDJoGPKhMTSjaq7KPEZC7xEoFuXCiKMYLDqvuzjfB8/s1600/images-50.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNTNws5E5O91SMKWOLxYV1TpC_4TsxUkPXHd35fR6veEbeyitM2_nJQu59jfvvf_AFHda34pP2doIkT4wM-ufUI8QDYSxoKdhJvUqDJoGPKhMTSjaq7KPEZC7xEoFuXCiKMYLDqvuzjfB8/s320/images-50.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Now let's spice things up a little..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Two of the dolls, Sally (June Kenny) and Bob (John Agar), decide to break free from the maniac’s grip. Will their ant buddy save them from the giant evil scorpion? (Oh, sorry, got mixed up with <i>Honey, I Shrunk the Kids</i> for a second.) </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></u></span><br />
<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>Nutrition Facts</u></span></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 30% </span></span></b> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The acting is pretty mediocre overall, with no particularly atrocious performances. (Except for the little girl, who was a classic obnoxious child actor.) But John Hoyt did a fair job of portraying a psychotic old man who is just one step away from full-blown serial killing. Or child molestation, in the little girl’s case. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Vitamin B-SFX: 80%</b> </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The movie came out in 1958, and I strongly suspect the effects looked dated and cheap even back then. The “giant” fire hydrant and scenery that appear when the “dolls” wander NYC’s streets are very fake. One can see where the photographic backdrops of NYC streets meets the studio floor. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRj2DisYPurJoBE1uxyMgwKL-k_TYzdWOf6cmM3p9rrsZ1O8V03D3O06SRZ-WHM0SK_ddo2hOhVAe_-xWUPMo6KRk8VmNvsOj_hVd52K233Cpn3NVz714thB665wXiwA03n4aCsJVT1FS-/s1600/images-47.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRj2DisYPurJoBE1uxyMgwKL-k_TYzdWOf6cmM3p9rrsZ1O8V03D3O06SRZ-WHM0SK_ddo2hOhVAe_-xWUPMo6KRk8VmNvsOj_hVd52K233Cpn3NVz714thB665wXiwA03n4aCsJVT1FS-/s320/images-47.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Featuring the floor of Studio 10!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The “dog attack” scene basically consists of Sally and Bob superimposed on footage of a snarling, barking dog. A giant box stands between them and the dog—the dog doesn’t even get really close to them. The Rottweiler (or Doberman?) on the movie poster was much more convincing, and it’s just a freakin’ drawing. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx5-cQhfvx1rE3WX_bRThBmnME5edvNvLGFGP4wF4Q8TU6xVChvPLDtcOEKvo3ddv66aEzU2cJpxcXklHM0t4Ac6xPeS_EiLU05SVTN7IsL1IBPK_IzkpXawrURFCGt2MZmRe1rKbNK41d/s1600/Puppet+People.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx5-cQhfvx1rE3WX_bRThBmnME5edvNvLGFGP4wF4Q8TU6xVChvPLDtcOEKvo3ddv66aEzU2cJpxcXklHM0t4Ac6xPeS_EiLU05SVTN7IsL1IBPK_IzkpXawrURFCGt2MZmRe1rKbNK41d/s320/Puppet+People.jpg" width="288" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They don't exactly seem terrified, do they?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The moviemakers avoided showing the actual shrinking procedure—they just give us shots of the ray gun, interspersed with droning sounds and bright lights. This ray gun looks a lot like the one in <i>Honey, I Shrunk the Kids</i>, and a few of the “scientific” principles touted in both movies are similar. I can’t find any evidence that Honey paid homage to Puppet People in this respect, though (or else just “borrowed” the gun design). </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 60% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Despite the uncomfortable pedophilic moments, the hokiness of the movie makes for good heckle fuel. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 10% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">All of that 10% comes from the cloying performance of the little girl. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On a different note entirely, this movie never made me wish that I hadn’t popped off my Barbies’ heads when I was a little girl. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 5% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Imagine if the climactic scene between Buffalo Bill and Clarice Starling in <i>The Silence of the Lambs</i> had gone like so: </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Clarice:</i> “FBI. Your murderin’ days are over!” </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Bill: </i>“Damn! Hey, can I at least keep the girl who’s in my pit o’ death right now?” </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Clarice: “No.” </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Bill: </i>“Oh, damn!” </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Bill lets Clarice lead the senator’s daughter outside to safety. Then he feeds Precious some Bacon Bits. </span></i></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5SDgWVJzDZl3xOsuG8d1qWHBLGiYm4e6iiUleYJFe3wmHCxgHQIBb2E9Vs1fYAGDaC1sYj45XkBbFb8-3IOsZ5foR2X3PTjKC_fLx-ZA2da0hFqsL5fOfHiHOJ5t6AXxPWlrxb2YEMLtH/s1600/Buffalo+Bill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5SDgWVJzDZl3xOsuG8d1qWHBLGiYm4e6iiUleYJFe3wmHCxgHQIBb2E9Vs1fYAGDaC1sYj45XkBbFb8-3IOsZ5foR2X3PTjKC_fLx-ZA2da0hFqsL5fOfHiHOJ5t6AXxPWlrxb2YEMLtH/s320/Buffalo+Bill.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Then Daddy's widdle baby can have a bubble bath!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Anticlimactic, right? </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The “climax” of <i>Puppet People</i> feels exactly the same way. Franz returns to his apartment after losing the “dolls.” Sally, now back to full human size, confronts him. Franz begs her not to leave him. She tells him that she’s going to the police, and walks out. And Franz LETS HER GO. No fight, not even any yelling. That’s IT. The film ends with Franz just staring at the door after Sally leaves. What a total gyp. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-67752754942701383712011-03-26T20:28:00.000-04:002011-03-26T20:28:50.333-04:00Night of the Lepus (1972)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf9t3dIMzNcEOHGaDulXMzDDu4RvzkkTo_y_pD93oXxCJZrFNfNM8Wf9INYZ0-0_yzGLv5_X100hXHGQVTpGnKcEIyb1rJiilLJWcUbLcZDDo2AlpX93eQGys_Jtm1_aZcBds5ODdPbDKy/s1600/images-38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf9t3dIMzNcEOHGaDulXMzDDu4RvzkkTo_y_pD93oXxCJZrFNfNM8Wf9INYZ0-0_yzGLv5_X100hXHGQVTpGnKcEIyb1rJiilLJWcUbLcZDDo2AlpX93eQGys_Jtm1_aZcBds5ODdPbDKy/s400/images-38.jpg" width="293" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Today we have a guest reviewer, Ralph the Killer Rabbit. He kindly offered to give us his unique perspective on <i>Night of the Lepus</i>: </span></span><br />
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<blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">All humans think bunnies are cute. This makes it extremely hard for a killer rabbit (<i>Lepus homicidilis</i>) to gain any respect. (Of course, looking like the average pet store bunny doesn’t help, even if we do sport sharp fangs and glowing red eyes.) But the U.S. killer rabbit population has never recovered from the insult that is <i>Night of the Lepus</i>. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For ten generations now, we have cursed this film for turning us into laughingstocks. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Thanks to that film, humans now believe that: </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Killer rabbits are the size of elephants.</b> </span></span></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmghAssMlLFSoeK3-OnyKnYtA3yk5yG1J3UvqioqtMDHpgOSYhXlsuJ_DCCSu45vo3MrNnBDwoQA0Nnvi1H0KSTz2Ms-RZcwEJe8RoF2CBVOYs0MKNS9onK9XPe5HMr-0Dkel8MZwxV6H2/s1600/images-44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmghAssMlLFSoeK3-OnyKnYtA3yk5yG1J3UvqioqtMDHpgOSYhXlsuJ_DCCSu45vo3MrNnBDwoQA0Nnvi1H0KSTz2Ms-RZcwEJe8RoF2CBVOYs0MKNS9onK9XPe5HMr-0Dkel8MZwxV6H2/s320/images-44.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If we really were that huge, we would have been hunted to extinction by now. Our small size enables us to kill quietly and quickly. My personal preference is for Chihuahuas and dachshunds—I’ve always been a dog rabbit, whereas my sisters generally prefer cats. Occasionally we band together to take down a small child. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Killer rabbits growl, snarl and roar.</b> Bah! We move through grass as silently as a lioness moves through the savanna. Stealth is a predator’s best friend. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span></blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>We have wimpy buck teeth that are usually covered in fake froth or bright orange, ketchupy “blood.”</b> </span></span></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9L6UefrCGPheeLk3qpGvmvRIti1AfH_KpznLxsqmIHHJIhDeNEY3mYcIb5RQb2JO9kbNjzbzi_hFvE9dYkZPgLjp3PRVWruBAvDHUMtSFHZipITJvL65JwauC2fgoLoDjmQuN9JvmM552/s1600/images-39.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9L6UefrCGPheeLk3qpGvmvRIti1AfH_KpznLxsqmIHHJIhDeNEY3mYcIb5RQb2JO9kbNjzbzi_hFvE9dYkZPgLjp3PRVWruBAvDHUMtSFHZipITJvL65JwauC2fgoLoDjmQuN9JvmM552/s320/images-39.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLap7ELiIa9zuafq2fL2YZoPDUFKfIt-Lw13e_VeVGiFTFROtg8SX8Uge21EznKjT6qz3GwfQuIkEIAXYyMAywCXR2jPj3whLlu-jcboI9vcubVDZp7fUeRlxFrqI42ifMvoeP404jOgID/s1600/images-40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLap7ELiIa9zuafq2fL2YZoPDUFKfIt-Lw13e_VeVGiFTFROtg8SX8Uge21EznKjT6qz3GwfQuIkEIAXYyMAywCXR2jPj3whLlu-jcboI9vcubVDZp7fUeRlxFrqI42ifMvoeP404jOgID/s320/images-40.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Buck teeth disappeared long ago in <i>Lepus homicidilis</i>. Fangs make for much more efficient killing weapons. Which brings me to the next point... </span></span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Killer rabbits are undisciplined, wasteful predators.</b> </span></span></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgL_LxGgBPLE74ENvGikD9W-dis-WMCiPGiHbZMrnfaXk_sCWcGi6azgsynSW4o7u2Qb6VQY1lof0MezbaUFBXS4k2hc8yRqk-7t006BdyO5c7G0XQ_sr4k-BCe2H3aA8zFumQcaZNY6K/s1600/images-43.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhgL_LxGgBPLE74ENvGikD9W-dis-WMCiPGiHbZMrnfaXk_sCWcGi6azgsynSW4o7u2Qb6VQY1lof0MezbaUFBXS4k2hc8yRqk-7t006BdyO5c7G0XQ_sr4k-BCe2H3aA8zFumQcaZNY6K/s320/images-43.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The film depicts the rabbits as taking one bite out of a human, or crushing the human and leaving them otherwise untouched. A real killer rabbit would never let a bonanza like a full-grown human go to waste. Just like any real predator, we make sure to eat all the good bits—the internal organs, muscles, etc. Additionally, our mothers train us from birth in the arts of hunting and killing. Any kit that cannot hunt is immediately eaten by its littermates. </span></span></blockquote><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Thank you, Ralph! </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now, the facts in a nutshell:</span></span><br />
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<u><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts: </span></span></b></u> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 50% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Janet Leigh stars, and “Bones” McCoy makes a cameo. Most of the time the actors appear to be even more bored than the audience. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 100% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As our friend Ralph has already mentioned, the blood effects are hilariously inept. The attempt to make the rabbits frightening by blowing up their size and using slo-mo/goofy camera angles fails, to say the least. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 70% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“There is a herd of killer rabbits headed this way!” That’s really all you need to know. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 0% </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 0% </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The other version of the movie poster is also excellent--enjoy!</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqA1pVc6aawXOH71CXAziWZGMl5vIoU_-582IW_3Zh24z-6MNlF5VIlNqsIff_UnzBOBHSa5S9uyk804uzOg8vlGTAjtRzrW2K01muXRHgSwJYInqs_325l7WON3xgEOGq-Pz2V2oHaDgy/s1600/images-37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqA1pVc6aawXOH71CXAziWZGMl5vIoU_-582IW_3Zh24z-6MNlF5VIlNqsIff_UnzBOBHSa5S9uyk804uzOg8vlGTAjtRzrW2K01muXRHgSwJYInqs_325l7WON3xgEOGq-Pz2V2oHaDgy/s400/images-37.jpg" width="285" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</span></b></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-4513580312655609562011-03-17T20:47:00.000-04:002011-03-17T20:47:34.080-04:00Leprechaun 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPZPqZQxTZm6ZP0X9_QprZ8S24o8MwMzfS4cTOY4fCB7GmXbP_rUbcct0qDtIw590R5dHfvkyvtbaAjDgHyy-QMdpEVkMoeIJFVCwRIR7nkG4x_EvcUKkcm0Vb0b-_IvPEMam0HfnhDw3p/s1600/images-32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPZPqZQxTZm6ZP0X9_QprZ8S24o8MwMzfS4cTOY4fCB7GmXbP_rUbcct0qDtIw590R5dHfvkyvtbaAjDgHyy-QMdpEVkMoeIJFVCwRIR7nkG4x_EvcUKkcm0Vb0b-_IvPEMam0HfnhDw3p/s400/images-32.jpg" width="280" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is the lamest movie in the entire Leprechaun series. The most terrifying things in the film are the hair and clothing, and we get not one, but TWO leprechauns spewing verses for 90 minutes. </span></span> <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihrowAd6ApAAAi3fpFtJMBH0hGj1-_-6fJGD0MhSo_bp5p_7uxNPT46fzlSCy0crhmPAZfdou0nh5bb-mQ7pibaVS3AWEuHGtFVCGySsOcxi6t70Nst7kc24VB0zgmWu1YYl5s58vvScRZ/s1600/images-34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><u><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary </span></span></b></u> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span id="goog_557353367"></span><span id="goog_557353368"></span>The Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) winds up in Vegas. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Through the typical it’s-in-the-script contrivances, a college boy, Scott (John Gatins) comes into the possession of Leprechaun’s golden shilling. Scott wins a fortune at the casinos thanks to the shilling, but Leprechaun wants it back. During a fight, Scott accidentally absorbs some of Leprechaun’s blood, and starts transforming into a Leprechaun. Can Scott and the buxom Tammy (Lee Armstrong) stop Leprechaun’s magic before Scott completes his transformation and is sentenced to a lifetime of hitting on women with dirty poetry? </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts </span></b></u></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 70% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The bad acting is more painful to watch and less fun in this installment, particularly by John Gatins. Actually, I had to feel sorry for the guy, considering he had to subject himself to repeating limericks like: </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihrowAd6ApAAAi3fpFtJMBH0hGj1-_-6fJGD0MhSo_bp5p_7uxNPT46fzlSCy0crhmPAZfdou0nh5bb-mQ7pibaVS3AWEuHGtFVCGySsOcxi6t70Nst7kc24VB0zgmWu1YYl5s58vvScRZ/s1600/images-34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihrowAd6ApAAAi3fpFtJMBH0hGj1-_-6fJGD0MhSo_bp5p_7uxNPT46fzlSCy0crhmPAZfdou0nh5bb-mQ7pibaVS3AWEuHGtFVCGySsOcxi6t70Nst7kc24VB0zgmWu1YYl5s58vvScRZ/s200/images-34.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span id="goog_557353340"></span><span id="goog_557353341"></span>There once was a lady of Totten </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Whose tastes grew perverted and rotten. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She cared not for steaks </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Or for pastries and cakes </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But lived upon penis au gratin. </span></i></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Survival Tip: Keeping track of all the famous old dirty limericks that appear will make the movie more bearable—and it makes a natural drinking game!) </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Lee Armstrong and the other actors don’t shirk on their bad acting, either. The Great Fazio, a hack magician played by John DeMita, and Loretta (Caroline Williams) are the best worst actors in this film. DeMita has no talent whatsoever, and Williams clearly was just having fun playing up her trashy character. </span></span> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS3qYOatcmHKJM1EODzPiRiaShriSiufrSBcxEiGJt4om8rjML19pR5ypVAvNOYHv3Kf-tDCUOVAaTxpqmMdp3NdWQ-tlAd0XTmBr73Xd9-O-9eO_28vTWp22HnGkccRSEU-6efOwMKQli/s1600/images-33.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS3qYOatcmHKJM1EODzPiRiaShriSiufrSBcxEiGJt4om8rjML19pR5ypVAvNOYHv3Kf-tDCUOVAaTxpqmMdp3NdWQ-tlAd0XTmBr73Xd9-O-9eO_28vTWp22HnGkccRSEU-6efOwMKQli/s320/images-33.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not as trashy as leopard print, but close, very close.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 60% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The SFX looks cheap, and seems outdated even by 1995 standards, when this movie was released. The exploding fat suit is incredibly fake-looking. The killer sex robot is weirdly disappointing—that was the best Leprechaun could cook up? A relatively basic robot with a set of fake boobs taped to its chest? </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJ2V1TyK88FvfJP9wNZ4vgg6TRgNaL6CR_8EdKcBU6SKLnm9HAfNX5pivDQn6oKFkssiLD96ptDnekOPr5yxWuyne1AH7cVRnyWU1QH7f9ZNgrf8j4hge36IJpKRSDz_xFX5CxHGg5yg0/s1600/images-36.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJ2V1TyK88FvfJP9wNZ4vgg6TRgNaL6CR_8EdKcBU6SKLnm9HAfNX5pivDQn6oKFkssiLD96ptDnekOPr5yxWuyne1AH7cVRnyWU1QH7f9ZNgrf8j4hge36IJpKRSDz_xFX5CxHGg5yg0/s320/images-36.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At least we see some of the real things...</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 40% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The incessant rhyming got on my nerves, so down the rating goes. If it wasn't obvious by now, I hated this movie. I will give the writers their due—Vegas is a perfect setting for Leprechaun, and they certainly milked the setting for all it was worth.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 0% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Why am I even bothering with this category for the Leprechaun series? </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 20% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As usual, there are many, many problems with the script. However, I think it’s a better use of my time to conserve my Plot Fiber processing for Leprechaun 4 and 5. Those will be real challenges. Now I’m off to finish watching the first season of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex! </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-31352205587125333822011-03-06T16:16:00.000-05:002011-03-06T16:16:25.873-05:00Leprechaun 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJyXdXD17ZexcmIBGIcyfdBPYXPb1mPvney9J_4CxVnbsJDaSzbYZn4GRlh_Ivhyphenhypheng3pxYm2rgzZtnhXL3ZC-KBa8V_0UOyVvENOEP1iWTNHsX7tXyWqNEz9s-yo-fWZrQBxCN8NI53LNcE/s1600/images-29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJyXdXD17ZexcmIBGIcyfdBPYXPb1mPvney9J_4CxVnbsJDaSzbYZn4GRlh_Ivhyphenhypheng3pxYm2rgzZtnhXL3ZC-KBa8V_0UOyVvENOEP1iWTNHsX7tXyWqNEz9s-yo-fWZrQBxCN8NI53LNcE/s400/images-29.jpg" width="281" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">St. Paddy’s is coming up, and what better way to celebrate than with the <i>Leprechaun</i> series? <br />
<br />
You may notice that I’ve skipped the original movie and gone straight to #2. The captioning got messed up on my Leprechaun copy, so my tribute to Jennifer Aniston’s original nose will have to wait. But the rest of the movies offer plenty to rip apart. </span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Plot Summary </b></u><br />
<br />
Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) hasn’t had any in 1,000 years. (Really? There aren’t any fairy hookers in Ireland?) So when he hits his 1,000th birthday, he’s looking forward to claiming a lovely lass as his bride. The lass’ father, William O’Day, foils Leprechaun, and Leprechaun curses the family. On his 2,000th birthday, Leprechaun will claim O’Day’s descendant as his bride. <br />
<br />
Fast forward to present-day LA, where the lovely Bridget (Shevonne Durkin) resides. Leprechaun drools over her assets and snatches her. Can Bridget’s would-be boyfriend, Cody (Charlie Heath), and his uncle (Sandy Baron) save her from the randy green critter? <br />
<br />
<b><u>Nutrition Facts </u></b><br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin B-Acting: 90%</b> <br />
<br />
This is not a series known for restrained acting. <br />
<br />
It’s a tough call whether Sandy Baron, as drunky Uncle Morty, or Warwick Davis serves up more ham. The best scenes occur when the two of them are in the same room and feed off each other’s hamminess. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQvmQ3_irzCiGLm6QxV9IabrmW9BvktklZr7BdrfzGUeqdFMpHJqswaS8gBZ8TKMY-F647NZbexN0zvEPVKa98PrplVpXdXWKspd6U8SBLC__iv7wA8vQUf5Lwb9zST2UsCdqBn9VnZsP/s1600/images-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQvmQ3_irzCiGLm6QxV9IabrmW9BvktklZr7BdrfzGUeqdFMpHJqswaS8gBZ8TKMY-F647NZbexN0zvEPVKa98PrplVpXdXWKspd6U8SBLC__iv7wA8vQUf5Lwb9zST2UsCdqBn9VnZsP/s400/images-31.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Morty gains the advantage over Leprechaun in an argument about Irish vs. American whiskey.</td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Charlie Heath and Shevonne Durkin make a game attempt at ham, but they never had a chance against Baron and Davis. <br />
<br />
One warning: if you hate grating voices, Leprechaun will drive you bonkers. (That settles it—I’m keeping Guinness close at hand while watching the other movies.) <br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin B-SFX: 30% </b><br />
<br />
Nothing particularly cheesy, pretty standard SFX. <br />
<br />
There is some gore—such as pulling out a gold tooth and biting someone’s finger off—but the goriest scene occurs largely off camera. Guys, be careful nuzzling into a woman’s chest. You never know when those lovely boobs might be disguised as a pair of spinning blades. <br />
<br />
(I confess I’m a bit biased rating this installment’s special effects—I’m all too aware of what’s coming in <i>Leprechaun 4</i>…) <br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin Fun: 70% </b><br />
<br />
Sandy Baron and the randy leprechaun plotline go a long way to making this movie bearable for those with a sense of humor. <br />
<br />
I also enjoyed the “Darkside Tours” bit (Darkside is a schlocky tour of LA “death houses” run by Morty). The writers clearly enjoyed poking fun at LA’s tourist traps. Darkside Tours reminded me very much of Chicago’s “<a href="http://www.gangstertour.com/">Untouchable Tours</a>,” which consists of a black school bus taking tourists to the locations of notorious mobster hangouts and horrific crimes. Naturally, most of these places were destroyed long ago, so the tour guides have to resort to the same hokey showmanship that Cody and Morty display in the movie.<br />
<br />
<b>Sugar: 0% </b><br />
<br />
Somehow, I really can’t pity Leprechaun for his inability to get laid. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnShdMofpLQgFzKF4BQUuuujvVy8jGhB-zq6EU1iRbU4a2u-vK_HJuC9HZbcGceJCHH9NXmVis5m_bUNQYjy6EpWL_BEItHzbLIZKJtIYnK2sPj6ZqytwC6FKxzyphl7BmpEqWHzjsM_B4/s1600/images-27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnShdMofpLQgFzKF4BQUuuujvVy8jGhB-zq6EU1iRbU4a2u-vK_HJuC9HZbcGceJCHH9NXmVis5m_bUNQYjy6EpWL_BEItHzbLIZKJtIYnK2sPj6ZqytwC6FKxzyphl7BmpEqWHzjsM_B4/s400/images-27.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I feel your pain, Bridget..<span style="font-size: small;">.</span></td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Plot Fiber: 20% </b><br />
<br />
My recollection of this series is that the writers change the leprechaun mythology at will to best accommodate whatever plot twists they desire. In the first movie, the plot made a big deal out of four-leaf clovers, which have the same effects on leprechauns as kryptonite did on Superman. In Leprechaun 2, four-leaf clovers are forgotten in favor of wrought iron, presumably because wrought iron offers more fun possibilities for killer weapons than wimpy four-leaf clovers. <br />
<br />
For someone who is supposed to be so wily, the Leprechaun is a huge idiot. At the movie’s beginning, he right out tells William O’Day how to save his daughter from being claimed as Leprechaun’s bride. The ring Leprechaun binds around Bridget’s neck is impenetrable…until she picks one freaking rod out of the ring, which makes the whole thing fall apart. Sloppy, Leprechaun, very sloppy. Tsk tsk. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgO-bhY0Cxt-9jmTPqCfzwfwH4hX-LETVkF_3xHJ10Ge92XCegqiXme7tB4rAopm9ep_5IUq202eBEcQ29Ck-klKhoDmXNxGYf9J6LDJjo9g8f3WJVHsFbQzr-_UZKuE4AEUwbGcL-Ua8Y/s1600/images-28.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgO-bhY0Cxt-9jmTPqCfzwfwH4hX-LETVkF_3xHJ10Ge92XCegqiXme7tB4rAopm9ep_5IUq202eBEcQ29Ck-klKhoDmXNxGYf9J6LDJjo9g8f3WJVHsFbQzr-_UZKuE4AEUwbGcL-Ua8Y/s400/images-28.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Though he does have a cool kart.</td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And seriously, are there no fairy hookers in Ireland? </span> </div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-53875203245273589312011-02-13T16:23:00.000-05:002011-02-13T16:23:59.932-05:00The Order<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj_YjQpklepOp5zh8PETqQuLvzZccjBscMLjJ0PFOPOd9s05WzEkmhc5NK91-dH-h7sK2XPswFvpwSwDfqoC8pkrWHJjRYNXu-yuAgyICPCMjr4pGIjJCn0fdO2KK7BhiuBMreznu0M9al/s1600/images-24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj_YjQpklepOp5zh8PETqQuLvzZccjBscMLjJ0PFOPOd9s05WzEkmhc5NK91-dH-h7sK2XPswFvpwSwDfqoC8pkrWHJjRYNXu-yuAgyICPCMjr4pGIjJCn0fdO2KK7BhiuBMreznu0M9al/s400/images-24.jpg" width="280" /></a></div> <br />
What happens when the cast and crew of <i>A Knight’s Tale</i> dump their sense of fun, and attempt to make a meaningful horror flick concerning religion? Without the assistance of a Queen soundtrack? <br />
<br />
God help those who view the final product. <br />
<br />
<u><b>Plot Summary </b></u><br />
<br />
<i>What the DVD Cover Promises:</i> “For centuries, a secret Order of priests has existed within the Church. A renegade priest, Father Alex Bernier (Heath Ledger), is sent to Rome to investigate the mysterious death of one of the Order’s most revered members. Following a series of strangely similar killings, Bernier launches an investigation that forces him to confront unimaginable evil and the terrifying knowledge that there is a fate worse than death.” <br />
<i><br />
The Reality:</i> “For centuries, a secret Order of priests has existed within the Church, but that doesn’t matter. The brooding Father Bernier goes to Rome after the obviously evil Cardinal Driscoll (Peter Weller—hereafter referred to as “Cardinal Robocop” in this review) asks Alex to investigate his mentor’s death. Some awful thing is about to happen in the Catholic Church, but the only thing that truly matters is whether Alex should sleep with his girlfriend, Mara (Shannyn Sossamon). A mysterious figure called the Sin Eater (Benno Furmann) finally convinces Alex to f*** Mara. Cardinal Robocop does not pull out any cool weaponry and dies a lame death. The promised battle with the evil, corrupt Catholic Church never materializes. In the end, viewers learn that Sin Eating actually looks like a pretty neat profession, despite the script’s paltry attempts to convince them that it’s a ‘fate worse than death.’”<br />
<br />
(Well, I THINK that’s what the movie meant by ‘fate worse than death.’ It wasn’t entirely clear.) <br />
<u><br />
</u><b><u>Nutrition Facts </u><br />
<br />
Vitamin B-Acting: 40%</b> <br />
<br />
Acting is the least of this movie’s problems—the script bears 90% of the responsibility for this movie’s B-ness. That said, the movie features three of the principals from<i> A Knight’s Tale</i>—Ledger, Sossamon, and Mark Addy. All three essentially play the same characters they did in <i>A Knight’s Tale</i>, except on depressants.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8fMC2dm649DARZDO7SFHJzGCAA-dKOoDUXsJWhMlJ6aW6IgqE8BcZz5v5Bg0vczLLX5J5jDuoR8gv3JqDrGySpD4IpXo4few4975OJsuNXyypasaqwRuA3uJCt8r5x43vzhT9C72g1cmu/s1600/images-23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8fMC2dm649DARZDO7SFHJzGCAA-dKOoDUXsJWhMlJ6aW6IgqE8BcZz5v5Bg0vczLLX5J5jDuoR8gv3JqDrGySpD4IpXo4few4975OJsuNXyypasaqwRuA3uJCt8r5x43vzhT9C72g1cmu/s320/images-23.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reminiscing about Merry Olde England</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Ledger is the hero trying to find his place in the world, Sossamon plays the hot romantic interest, and Addy plays the practical-minded sidekick. Onscreen, they look as if director Brian Helgeland told them, “This is a DEAD SERIOUS flick. This is MEANINGFUL shit we’re dealing with, man.” I would have laughed silly at the actors’ seriousness if I hadn’t been so bored with the “Should I sleep with my GF or not?” subplot. <br />
<b><br />
Vitamin B-SFX: 20% </b><br />
<br />
The special effects are decent in this movie. Fascinating, I never knew that sins took the form of evil jellyfish... <br />
<b><br />
Vitamin Fun: 30% </b><br />
<br />
At least 45 minutes of the movie went to the “Will they **** or not” subplot, thus squeezing out anything that might have been truly exciting, such as a midair shoot-out with Cardinal Robocop inside St. Peter’s.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMJ5vX5Wyr0D68cLyAPXQ-Yd4HTMce6XpOHsR9PT1dMbTcdCQajQjCCgu03OsxQULsZ4xsqnkr0p81V4tQrwfTlYdRQUVs8hNnhBmsHN2FRteJSw-XxxW-7SeqcPU0zhlzh-0PkApGcziU/s1600/images-26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMJ5vX5Wyr0D68cLyAPXQ-Yd4HTMce6XpOHsR9PT1dMbTcdCQajQjCCgu03OsxQULsZ4xsqnkr0p81V4tQrwfTlYdRQUVs8hNnhBmsHN2FRteJSw-XxxW-7SeqcPU0zhlzh-0PkApGcziU/s320/images-26.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I told Helgeland we needed guns, but does he listen? No."</td></tr>
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This is the sort of broody, unscary “horror” movie that TV stations show at 4 am when they need to fill up their schedules. <br />
<br />
<b>Sugar: 10% </b><br />
<br />
I sure didn’t care about Alex’s spiritual struggle with his girlfriend, or his path to becoming a Sin Eater. <br />
<b><br />
Plot Fiber: 20% </b><br />
<br />
The script insists that a lot of things matter, but they don’t really. For instance, in the beginning we’re set up to expect a big battle with the Catholic Church. However, Alex’s struggles are largely personal, and don’t affect the Church. Even Cardinal Robocop’s fate seems to have no effect on the Church. The Sin Eater’s very presence is supposed to be terrible for the Church, but once again, it does not matter. <br />
<br />
Speaking of the Sin Eater, I mentioned earlier the script’s assertion that to be a Sin Eater is worse than death. Let me explain why this is not so, according to what I saw in the film: <br />
<br />
<b>1) Sin Eaters are filthy rich and can do anything they want.<br />
<br />
2) Sin Eaters are not immortal, but do not age and can quit when they want to. <br />
<br />
3) Absorbing the sins doesn’t really do anything to the Sin Eater. </b><br />
<br />
When performing the ceremony, the sin jellyfish enters the Sin Eater and gets absorbed into the S.E.’s body.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWPmrQzSO0Dxr-5Y46IPhS5GVOh8rOkJrezZNOc-G6h-33159AOX2xkRWYrx4Ccxtu8P61Qg4V7CZRmalRSr5FvVAdMfJPfI2A2IZ_omWnYLNS_0xUYULFoaYZ0gzLkwLMU1fU5Z6sMlds/s1600/images-22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWPmrQzSO0Dxr-5Y46IPhS5GVOh8rOkJrezZNOc-G6h-33159AOX2xkRWYrx4Ccxtu8P61Qg4V7CZRmalRSr5FvVAdMfJPfI2A2IZ_omWnYLNS_0xUYULFoaYZ0gzLkwLMU1fU5Z6sMlds/s1600/images-22.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No comment...</td></tr>
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Benno Furmann tells the audience that this process entails taking on all the awful burdens of the sin(s), but so far as I can see, absorbing a sin jellyfish gives you fantastic skin and turns you into a sharp dresser. If I could figure out how to bottle sin jellyfish, I’d become a millionaire overnight. (Hey, maybe that explains the Sin Eater’s wealth…)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-vPjZ-5264TvAAMrE4zAz4vYlyi-JRgMN9bsvF9c4koL9cFE6OwcgjgAxEjKPHmIz_5IHKDeSeHN5XHqPUYLrTQD2SLsBVc6FiuIT6oh9YE6ep0xR0MWIRPehxhb4Eb6Jlf2cFHKTzE7N/s1600/images-25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-vPjZ-5264TvAAMrE4zAz4vYlyi-JRgMN9bsvF9c4koL9cFE6OwcgjgAxEjKPHmIz_5IHKDeSeHN5XHqPUYLrTQD2SLsBVc6FiuIT6oh9YE6ep0xR0MWIRPehxhb4Eb6Jlf2cFHKTzE7N/s320/images-25.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Those jellyfish are better than Botox. 500 years old and not a single line."</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td></tr>
</tbody></table><u><b>Supplements </b></u><br />
<br />
<b>Pseudoscience Pill: N/A <br />
<br />
Political Pill: N/A </b><br />
<br />
Yes, the movie does bash the Catholic Church. But it does so in such a generic, limp fashion that I’d feel ridiculous for attaching any true political significance to this idiotic movie.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-23430025070369142712011-01-30T14:34:00.001-05:002011-01-31T21:24:48.672-05:00Mega Python vs. Gatoroid<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaXD-HSAVGDGABOU-AZdXpg7eiVVjAV6dch2lDSFIdih7h8ZrKyBMEwnVFFVwIKe35u5sfULE743o6A2R9Qa4nLcOY4mCL5ay7Wra28aEsbV3FbSPrrupXA-GFNrWX8czNBmi34tcuGj2Q/s1600/images-19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaXD-HSAVGDGABOU-AZdXpg7eiVVjAV6dch2lDSFIdih7h8ZrKyBMEwnVFFVwIKe35u5sfULE743o6A2R9Qa4nLcOY4mCL5ay7Wra28aEsbV3FbSPrrupXA-GFNrWX8czNBmi34tcuGj2Q/s400/images-19.jpg" width="285" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Well, if your goal in life was to watch two ex-idols duke it out in skimpy, wet dresses, this is the flick for you. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For the rest of us who don’t care so much about the Tiffany/Debbie schtick, there are fabulously fake giant gators and pythons, and a plot full of WTFery. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary </span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nikki Riley (Debbie Gibson), who is supposedly a herpetologist, “rescues” snakes from illegal breeders and releases them into the Everglades. The pythons grow to B-movie-monster size and start eating all the gators. Ranger Terry O’Hara (Tiffany) pumps dead chickens full of steroids and feeds them to the gators, so they will also grow to certified B-movie-monster size and eat the pythons. Then it’s pythons vs. gators vs. humans! Oh, and Nikki and Terry catfight a lot. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span id="goog_963912312"></span><span id="goog_963912313"></span></span><b><u><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts </span></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 90% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tiffany and Debbie don’t hold back in their manufactured onscreen rivalry. Their sneers, pouts and snarls convey a sensitivity to the nuances of human emotion that is impossible for anybody other than Syfy Original Movie veterans to replicate. Bravo, Tiffany and Debbie! </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1z-KoX7Cr0nDXQV42ZTkwBedlmZuKbBievjAPfsK0JtParPqx1dKmDD7YbfLJwCMjfWZ7hyphenhyphenqzwOubndbKdkqQ5VEyRvYeHMYDyfMzvJpPOJJmSkYdLgHhsK5kDoX6sw7YrzREgtB9XrXx/s1600/images-20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1z-KoX7Cr0nDXQV42ZTkwBedlmZuKbBievjAPfsK0JtParPqx1dKmDD7YbfLJwCMjfWZ7hyphenhyphenqzwOubndbKdkqQ5VEyRvYeHMYDyfMzvJpPOJJmSkYdLgHhsK5kDoX6sw7YrzREgtB9XrXx/s320/images-20.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An accurate portrayal of rangers' uniforms</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A. Martinez, in the role of Native American herpetologist Diego Ortiz, does a perfect imitation of a stone statue throughout the movie. His calmness stuns the viewer, particularly while he watches his fellow human beings disappear down the maws of giant snakes. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’d also like to give a shout-out to Kathryn Joosten, who played Angie the tough old lady ranger. I was quite sorry to see Angie die—but clearly she had to be punished for revealing any vestige of common sense. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Former Monkee Mickey Dolenz also makes a cameo in the flick. I must say, I could really get into watching B-movie monsters taking a bite out of these ex-idols. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 90% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The gators, in particular, look faker and faker as the movie goes on. By the movie’s end, they were hardly recognizable as gators in certain scenes. I think these gators may well take the prize as the worst gator SFX in a Syfy Original Movie. That’s saying a lot, considering there are at least a dozen other gator-related Syfy Original Movies… </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hey, the pythons look fake too—don’t get me wrong. But these pythons are better done than the gators, and the pythons in this movie are on par with the SFX snakes from other Syfy Original Movies. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Darn, I really have spent too much of my life watching Syfy Original Movies. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Anyway, there’s a fun bit in the movie when the beasties invade Miami (looks more like a Hollywood backlot to me). A snake attacks a blimp with the Asylum logo on it—Asylum, of course, is the studio that made the movie. </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9PB2EsOqc9jrU6Rv3rMlqZGlU61h_jeXuORTj-hA-NCFb7wXtdPLmELXvcyO_O8vUC6x7o-8F04oNXd8Lccfm6sQjSsbKe9-cON3CsIX6C2cdMqpV-r23kXo1stxBFA2k5CHfzNEugV1T/s1600/images-17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9PB2EsOqc9jrU6Rv3rMlqZGlU61h_jeXuORTj-hA-NCFb7wXtdPLmELXvcyO_O8vUC6x7o-8F04oNXd8Lccfm6sQjSsbKe9-cON3CsIX6C2cdMqpV-r23kXo1stxBFA2k5CHfzNEugV1T/s400/images-17.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I also enjoyed the moment when a commuter train goes right into a snake’s gullet. After riding the Washington DC Metro regularly for two years, I wouldn’t be so surprised if that started happening on the Red Line. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 80% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’d say the second half is the most enjoyable, because that’s when Nikki and Terry really go at each other’s throats, and the SFX degrades steadily. But the plot WTFery (the details will come soon) remains consistent throughout the film. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 0% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You know it’s a true, 100% certified Syfy Original Movie when even the death scenes of important characters have no emotional impact whatsoever. (No, I’m not saying who dies.) </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4bPRytd1EGJpvU2ERhvLsWyFnARHJHx6zzhASeBICyXVTOTzqrCFOtXG53czX8yKqxgwjUGwJ2c2QK57Av56-v4dSP6aD0whcmftmzSBOqAdkmKGurYEMxP5Nb3w0A9-6yi_weOrEwLLX/s1600/images-21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4bPRytd1EGJpvU2ERhvLsWyFnARHJHx6zzhASeBICyXVTOTzqrCFOtXG53czX8yKqxgwjUGwJ2c2QK57Av56-v4dSP6aD0whcmftmzSBOqAdkmKGurYEMxP5Nb3w0A9-6yi_weOrEwLLX/s400/images-21.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">NOO! Not the DOG!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 0% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">First, no herpetologist in his/her right mind would ever think that releasing more pythons into the Florida wilderness was “right” or “natural,” as Nikki loudly insists during the entire movie. I have nothing against snakes—after all, I actually agreed to let my college roommate keep a pet snake in our dorm room. Florida has such a serious problem with snakes in the Everglades, though, that it really does flout reason to have a herpetologist actively releasing more snakes into the wild. (I also watch too much “Animal Cops: Miami.”) The python-gator problem is real—for more background, <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9600151/ns/technology_and_science-science/">take a look here</a>. (<b>Warning</b>—not for the squeamish) </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It also makes zero sense that an Everglades ranger would automatically think that fighting giant snakes with giant gators was the way to go. Of course, this movie’s entire <i>raison d’etre </i>is for Tiffany and Debbie to constantly fight onscreen, and logic is not conducive to a good fight. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiBGRj_7_JPEEaYNxknqldic1auFYY6RytDNHAcs5m3xmNuOnkSJW42M0TdhEh_cKFDFLHCawfDI88YieihKiobo6woJEGxlfm8x5oNQi-v5GxWfCXQ9iD4jJFzAGpdJkMVrGkCFFb4Cw3/s1600/images-16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiBGRj_7_JPEEaYNxknqldic1auFYY6RytDNHAcs5m3xmNuOnkSJW42M0TdhEh_cKFDFLHCawfDI88YieihKiobo6woJEGxlfm8x5oNQi-v5GxWfCXQ9iD4jJFzAGpdJkMVrGkCFFb4Cw3/s400/images-16.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
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</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Supplements </span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Since the movie focuses so much on the faux Tiffany-Debbie rivalry, the pseudoscience and political pills don’t have any real effect on the plot. This movie regurgitates the pseudoscience of <a href="http://vitaminbmovie.blogspot.com/2010/08/mega-piranha.html"><i>Mega Piranha</i></a>, when pseudoscience does appear at all. </span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-64311345617612978372011-01-23T13:51:00.000-05:002011-01-23T13:51:24.588-05:00Coming Next...<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hello folks,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
I'd planned to put up a review today, but I am under the weather (been watching too much <i>Bird Flu Horror </i>lately, I guess). The review will go up in a few days when I'm well enough to edit out the illness-induced gibberish.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But exciting news...the newest Syfy Original schlockfest, <i>Mega Python vs. Gatoroid</i>, is coming this Saturday! And I will watch and review it, of course! So mark it on your calendars--January 29, at 9 pm EST! </span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-77390836827121008892011-01-09T16:01:00.000-05:002011-01-09T16:01:29.641-05:00The Cat from Outer Space<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLRkmdA4u7grxct-Kw3g9WFF1YuqyuQXCDy1oKBFdtvjCGItuT07rVlGkigp4O1mYjqqVE2PShB5ccE4sjUgIbxYuPIKK28Ny829gSm8YqIxQF7dNT3Cq8_DQlZyWzO9sEGLYlrhOwj-0w/s1600/images-11.jpg" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLRkmdA4u7grxct-Kw3g9WFF1YuqyuQXCDy1oKBFdtvjCGItuT07rVlGkigp4O1mYjqqVE2PShB5ccE4sjUgIbxYuPIKK28Ny829gSm8YqIxQF7dNT3Cq8_DQlZyWzO9sEGLYlrhOwj-0w/s400/images-11.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Or, <i>Le Chat Qui Vient de L'Espace</i>) </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yet another Christmas gift from my loving relatives—thanks, Mom! <i>The Cat from Outer Space </i>was one of my favorite movies when I was a wee sprite. It is a strange experience to watch an old favorite from childhood as an adult—usually I end up wondering how I managed to escape therapy. The Disney live-action “classics” were always corny, but <i>Cat from Outer Space</i> stands out for its sheer stupidity. It also promotes gambling as a cure-all for financial problems. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<u><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary </span></span></b></u> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Zunar J5, later renamed Jake, has to make an emergency landing on Earth. Jake possesses a collar that allows him to communicate with humans, and move things with the power of his mind. Jake then enlists the help of Frank, a physicist, and his friends to get enough gold to power his ship. Meanwhile, an enigmatic criminal named Mr. Olympus wants to get his hands on Jake’s collar, so he can use its powers to become filthy rich. Meanwhile, the military is trying to find Jake, and they act like complete idiots. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<b><u><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts </span></span></u></b> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 80%</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">M*A*S*H fans will immediately recognize Harry Morgan and McLean Stevenson. Morgan plays General Stilton, who hates Russkies, Italians and intellectuals. Did you know that “IQs”—people like physicists, engineers and biologists—spend all their time on tennis courts? Neither did I, until Stilton enlightened me (“Get them IQs off their tennis courts!!!”). </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Stevenson plays Dr. Link, a scientist with a massive gambling addiction. At least 30-40 minutes of this 104-minute film is devoted to gambling: football, basketball, horse racing, and billiards. We also learn that using a magical feline to change the outcome of games to win bets is perfectly fine. Nothing but wholesome life lessons from Disney, yes sir! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZqqKD1DOnoVOhgdHe_Cn8arPnZYCD6YlW_0y_udiEkQqbbHb18wW6zwyGNKbHH716QE6qR0TIX5_UEtcEgOkjUG1ZEJNeueHhg1tq0HYE_Z3_zokA0eP9y8KNld-u0K8qidHHEY-VQaax/s1600/images-12.jpg" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZqqKD1DOnoVOhgdHe_Cn8arPnZYCD6YlW_0y_udiEkQqbbHb18wW6zwyGNKbHH716QE6qR0TIX5_UEtcEgOkjUG1ZEJNeueHhg1tq0HYE_Z3_zokA0eP9y8KNld-u0K8qidHHEY-VQaax/s400/images-12.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Never hide the fact that you're cheating--take pride in it!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Another familiar face is Roddy McDowall, who plays a spy for the mysterious Mr. Olympus. Mr. Olympus is best described as a Brigham Young lookalike in a black leather jacket. Mr. Olympus actually has a cave lair, and travels in a sleek black limousine with a vase of bright red tulips inside. Dr. Link gives us the only clue to Mr. Olympus’ identity: he’s a “power-crazed creep.” Frankly, all that’s missing is Mr. Bigglesworth. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In the final analysis, Jake the cat easily gives the best performance in this entire film—sleek, understated and elegant. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 75% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEL4yb0swZjtvwA6Etnd6XXcAxXfP-1egd7HPb31k6L2W-ePLknquE7Cda5qffe4UAR9idVhrYse6anlQ1ZNw3N4mYopaRbiBRW6crwWg4TtRbP92VMYAswnDylkidQDNgVoTTlQzZ-2DQ/s1600/images-13.jpg" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEL4yb0swZjtvwA6Etnd6XXcAxXfP-1egd7HPb31k6L2W-ePLknquE7Cda5qffe4UAR9idVhrYse6anlQ1ZNw3N4mYopaRbiBRW6crwWg4TtRbP92VMYAswnDylkidQDNgVoTTlQzZ-2DQ/s1600/images-13.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Typical example of radioactive green</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We are talking 1978 here, so the special effects are very dated by today’s standards. The colors of choice for any glowing effects are radioactive green, and a cross between Pepto-Bismol pink and fuchsia (“puchsia”?). </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The effects really don’t matter much—the cartoonish acting and forced script steal all of the limelight. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 60% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Juste ciel! </span></i></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Well, you can stand this movie if: </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A) You watch it with English captions and French subtitles on at the same time, as I did. The French adds a touch of class that the movie otherwise lacks. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">B) You assume that Jake is thinking the following: </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Note to self: Enslave all humans as revenge for being forced to wear this incredibly gauche collar.”</span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc9n5xYN1zuGskWkulhxbi7rfEHgBjCzjvSMOWkXGPCIJtTDA3UTTy5aqreVJQZ3fJBbBts7qshkw0cs5-XViX-0H9xPj8KMoOGg397YjZzTzTf9dKmOjr8BGHw5UKBhR5yD9y42gEHGxT/s1600/images-15.jpg" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc9n5xYN1zuGskWkulhxbi7rfEHgBjCzjvSMOWkXGPCIJtTDA3UTTy5aqreVJQZ3fJBbBts7qshkw0cs5-XViX-0H9xPj8KMoOGg397YjZzTzTf9dKmOjr8BGHw5UKBhR5yD9y42gEHGxT/s400/images-15.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Oh, and annihilate all dogs, too."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 5% </span></span></b> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This being a Disney flick, we have to sit through the inevitable romance between Jake’s helper, Frank, and the fashion-challenged token female scientist, Liz. (The ‘70s truly were a terrible fashion era.) Romance also ensues between Liz’s cat Lucybelle and Jake.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 0%</span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This 0% rating should be self-explanatory by now. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<u><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Supplements </span></span></b></u><br />
<u><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></u> <span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Pseudoscience Pill: 50% </span></span></b> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Likelihood of choking: 100%</i> </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“You know where it’s really at, Jake? Electromagnetism.” </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I had to laugh at that line—it sounds so much like the famous plastics line from The Graduate. But that line does sum up the “science” in the film pretty well. Frank and the other scientists read through a list of scientific terms in the first 20 minutes (“gamma rays, radio waves, electromagnetic spectrum, Van Allen belt…”), and then move on to gambling for the next 40 minutes. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">At one point Frank mentions the “primal mainstream,” where apparently all the rays on the electromagnetic spectrum mingle happily, on different frequencies.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EjXHjPcVizF6fd0g5k7d1VgBXnl0YKXaYh7kyfFV5BkndWxV-KGxQtRogRda_76KCDPks1TzWoAO0FISp2HzCPKJvCZkFJGBX2Jpq1uRW8WNOequri4ZtI8qG2PxY-PHjW0OJiRprgnc/s1600/images-14.jpg" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="289" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EjXHjPcVizF6fd0g5k7d1VgBXnl0YKXaYh7kyfFV5BkndWxV-KGxQtRogRda_76KCDPks1TzWoAO0FISp2HzCPKJvCZkFJGBX2Jpq1uRW8WNOequri4ZtI8qG2PxY-PHjW0OJiRprgnc/s400/images-14.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The primal mainstream will make you FLY...in more ways than one.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span></b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My first thought on seeing “primal mainstream” was “HIPPIE ALERT!” Jake’s collar taps into the “primal mainstream,” thus allowing Jake to talk to humans, fly around and do anything he wants. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yeah right. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Political Pill: 40% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Likelihood of choking: 100% </span></i><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Cold War and Mafia references made by General Stilton are particularly charming nowadays, but the best moment of all comes at the end of the film. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We find out that Jake has applied for American citizenship. The judge has Jake recite the Pledge of Allegiance, and during the Pledge, Jake makes the judge float. Is this some grand message about patriotism being pushed by Disney? Or is Jake merely betraying his secret plot to take over the world? </span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-32276306314903628452010-12-26T00:53:00.000-05:002010-12-26T00:53:49.717-05:00Attack of the 50-Foot Santa!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgneIZXjIKPIszW1gH-5hlTsGBmJREA5Pc9Fr4yd_tulxE2Hg3jZ_HxP207nHfHM2bgk8j5iHYFAM1xHNZoB8vevJfAUbKkgJ2_3IT41DtbUXpxqmx0BCDXf2OW-2fURjPFJvMLpre6htOv/s1600/Santa+Attacks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgneIZXjIKPIszW1gH-5hlTsGBmJREA5Pc9Fr4yd_tulxE2Hg3jZ_HxP207nHfHM2bgk8j5iHYFAM1xHNZoB8vevJfAUbKkgJ2_3IT41DtbUXpxqmx0BCDXf2OW-2fURjPFJvMLpre6htOv/s400/Santa+Attacks.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM VITAMIN B-MOVIE!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Thank you for reading the blog! There will be more twisted goodness to come in 2011, assuming that reading this blog hasn't driven you mad already.<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> (Though we're arguably all kind of nuts to begin with.)</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A special thanks to Bob, Anita and Stephen for giving me the awesome figurines in the picture above. These figurines are not just plain old B-Movie Victims--they're HORRIFIED B-Movie Victims!</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCYPojVfyOvA1Vbh60holKThZ5k6_SZVSWzpK3WCtfSAL0Gl3apCCeVerC65SX6Ql8uMrFQtpdMuqar6y9gZ_fYOY2GlaiH1RRWz0D8yyacHam8Q0wUuNrPwE1dJymjbgA3Anu8J1oY6wX/s1600/Package+Front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCYPojVfyOvA1Vbh60holKThZ5k6_SZVSWzpK3WCtfSAL0Gl3apCCeVerC65SX6Ql8uMrFQtpdMuqar6y9gZ_fYOY2GlaiH1RRWz0D8yyacHam8Q0wUuNrPwE1dJymjbgA3Anu8J1oY6wX/s400/Package+Front.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Note that they included the scantily clad bimbo (third from left). WIN!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUXOcCNsLlhIHBe3dVOQQwQH4qqAZmkHD0nHz3QOPawnSLh5T7vajurYRoBs94RwgOobbGui4TsXLUztkETyGRMsRsCkoEhKWVDO0cq6vKAWZUmxV_r9_w-tuO1Sb_Xm1GAdVHCIC2cXQY/s1600/Back+of+Package.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUXOcCNsLlhIHBe3dVOQQwQH4qqAZmkHD0nHz3QOPawnSLh5T7vajurYRoBs94RwgOobbGui4TsXLUztkETyGRMsRsCkoEhKWVDO0cq6vKAWZUmxV_r9_w-tuO1Sb_Xm1GAdVHCIC2cXQY/s400/Back+of+Package.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Back of the package. Clearly this company is staffed by brilliant people.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-54877834451344691602010-12-11T21:38:00.000-05:002010-12-11T21:38:08.252-05:00Thor, Hammer of the Gods<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZA1GaaF1pQjLZRXmGGg6FqWSn2a3nlTqHTadB65Knvqdzteb76RSIBNYe2Foqv0k72glKOFlPtiK3RT5P9iOp16aWxE0MO06cxj0CpomWIbqf4ylyY60s9F3SlUcy0NwLnyDSrtgVptwA/s1600/images-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZA1GaaF1pQjLZRXmGGg6FqWSn2a3nlTqHTadB65Knvqdzteb76RSIBNYe2Foqv0k72glKOFlPtiK3RT5P9iOp16aWxE0MO06cxj0CpomWIbqf4ylyY60s9F3SlUcy0NwLnyDSrtgVptwA/s400/images-6.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Longhouse Improvement </b><i>Season 3, Episode 11</i><br />
<br />
15-year-old Thor (Zachary Ty Bryan) wants to impress a shieldmaiden who won't give him the time of day. He enlists the help of younger brothers Loki (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) and Baldur (Taran Noah Smith) in forging a larger hammer with more bling. But parents Odin (Tim Allen) and Freya (Patricia Richardson) disapprove of Thor's love interest. Can the boys forge the hammer without the parents finding out, or burning the longhouse to the ground? </span></div></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sadly, the real <i>Thor, Hammer of the Gods </i>is not nearly as interesting as the fake synopsis above. The movie's major claim to fame consists of featuring the baby-faced Zachary Ty Bryan in the title role. Yes, seriously, Brad from "Home Improvement" plays Thor. </span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Real Plot Summary</span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Baldur and Thor (mortal men, not the gods) lead their band to a mysterious land at the ends of the earth. The two brothers claim the land as their new kingdom, but it quickly becomes clear that something is very wrong. Wolfmen start hunting the Vikings. At the same time, Thor begins to see cheesy CGI visions of his namesake. Thor discovers that Loki is behind the nefarious happenings, and that only by finding the Hammer of the Gods (HOG) can he defeat Loki. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><u><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts</span></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 70%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Zachary Ty Bryan's Thor comes off as a Southern California dude who got very lost while paddling on his surfboard. The baby face doesn't exactly lend credence to Thor's toughness, either.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoBes9w5gZISZjfcxZjU05j7Vz1dZkxbMCy1ymeQ7L_jQMFuxnEwBk5e1MotVNkpLDRRf9xPTrxDX1H0COpheprxBFVEc32ChrWrBiFeUzXgcnjELPsLgsiWLb0IEQnojj53eAFbqMWbCv/s1600/images-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoBes9w5gZISZjfcxZjU05j7Vz1dZkxbMCy1ymeQ7L_jQMFuxnEwBk5e1MotVNkpLDRRf9xPTrxDX1H0COpheprxBFVEc32ChrWrBiFeUzXgcnjELPsLgsiWLb0IEQnojj53eAFbqMWbCv/s400/images-3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Vikings were known for their liberal use of hair gel, too.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Most of the B-acting credit has to go to Daz Crawford, who plays Ulfrich, the movie's baddie. He's the kind of villain you identify instantly, due to the following characteristics:</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) He has a huge scar, and it's not a "cosmetic cute" scar.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2) He's bald. In an evil way. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3) He always scowls and sneers and never smiles, unless it's an evil smile. </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjci7gSYMwJj98RCpPZlj6Ub5xESjm_uW4IjNxkt2VLrtILNuvJRfpk4lfg6wzVDeq_yGBiAM01b7QpaLWSv2xIJhzA4jIqHcMB6dVil7df_XxVdzeGzu1YRt3KPhchckIvOcZMsJGmSpwl/s1600/images-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjci7gSYMwJj98RCpPZlj6Ub5xESjm_uW4IjNxkt2VLrtILNuvJRfpk4lfg6wzVDeq_yGBiAM01b7QpaLWSv2xIJhzA4jIqHcMB6dVil7df_XxVdzeGzu1YRt3KPhchckIvOcZMsJGmSpwl/s400/images-4.jpg" width="400" /> </a> </div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Crawford easily shows the most life in an otherwise listless cast. I almost wanted to root for him because the others were so deathly boring.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 70%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The opening credits are set against drawings of Thor and other Norse-ish scenes. You can judge the art quality for yourself here:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggdai9Upqgf20f57OdvHOIm40TszgqYsqGa10nQ44lY4wQE9xjTZbgzBfiwqdE71Q0iDabn6kK_s5wmg6fRLHf8olM_a-5ByletBD4-6tUnL62s44E8MFijeKTdSP_cZ-vrkr7eTVwyZit/s1600/yejshxmbssfjbig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggdai9Upqgf20f57OdvHOIm40TszgqYsqGa10nQ44lY4wQE9xjTZbgzBfiwqdE71Q0iDabn6kK_s5wmg6fRLHf8olM_a-5ByletBD4-6tUnL62s44E8MFijeKTdSP_cZ-vrkr7eTVwyZit/s400/yejshxmbssfjbig.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-l5FilyV1UWpEnf-0UqJ-NT0PoUc_Ti_9w8Q5ASWctwqZuQQ_afwLL8GXUuaZ1-obyj-uM1kpWwNrr11io2KJsfByPEIKXolU4hiXJtRBJ0NTam5Kf93O8QyUGH0VUaBh4uDMi4uBlJ8/s1600/hqdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-l5FilyV1UWpEnf-0UqJ-NT0PoUc_Ti_9w8Q5ASWctwqZuQQ_afwLL8GXUuaZ1-obyj-uM1kpWwNrr11io2KJsfByPEIKXolU4hiXJtRBJ0NTam5Kf93O8QyUGH0VUaBh4uDMi4uBlJ8/s400/hqdefault.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Thor vision scenes contain painfully obvious CGI, often to hilarious effect. If you ever watch this movie for some nutty reason, look out for the sea beast scene. That's the best example of cheesy CGI.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The camera never lingers long on the wolfmen, for an obvious reason--to hide the fakeness of the costumes. The wolfmen basically consist of regular guys wearing wolf heads. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">By contrast, we get a good chunk of time to admire the Fenris wolf (Loki in disguise). This allows us to see the obvious puppetry, and how badly synchronized its speech and mouth movements are.</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi57PQY4LFggF1w47qTxDIhAhE7nh_VzfThpA3U_g-j94GKRD1y3S1qbefYPugbMihxmQQJ0BgUcYlpTo-XCKAiGDSKf9kLaNpJunBwZjrM4Bf1JN9VR8QRSvr-ef9fPiE45X7YmOXKsTZn/s1600/images-7.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi57PQY4LFggF1w47qTxDIhAhE7nh_VzfThpA3U_g-j94GKRD1y3S1qbefYPugbMihxmQQJ0BgUcYlpTo-XCKAiGDSKf9kLaNpJunBwZjrM4Bf1JN9VR8QRSvr-ef9fPiE45X7YmOXKsTZn/s400/images-7.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 20%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is a boring, boring movie. At least 75% of the "action" onscreen consists of marching, waiting for an attack, or introspective moments.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 5%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Ulfrich's girlfriend really loves Zach--I mean, Thor. I actually felt kind of sorry for Ulfrich at this point. His gal leaves him for Brad from Home Improvement. How sad is that? </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 40%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The basic plot is fine by mythology standards, though the pacing severely cripples the story. But the casting of Zachary Ty Bryan as Thor is what really destroyed whatever credibility this movie had. </span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzwcpLePZODJk6exrhLaes8u8ZfrxZBOOzKjyCdWIx7mVP4kl_94D6ai4jU9gOj3YAbCvzRzGQBK4GpATAX9RO8vDDgz53KlCpTQRFT03eFDIDe1f9fzfCocF0lDFCjuofGjh1N9pBTubr/s1600/images-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzwcpLePZODJk6exrhLaes8u8ZfrxZBOOzKjyCdWIx7mVP4kl_94D6ai4jU9gOj3YAbCvzRzGQBK4GpATAX9RO8vDDgz53KlCpTQRFT03eFDIDe1f9fzfCocF0lDFCjuofGjh1N9pBTubr/s320/images-5.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I have a big, shiny hammer..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-59072724805875463082010-12-04T22:28:00.000-05:002010-12-04T22:28:18.727-05:00Triassic Attack<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj71LuzdKXo-9jHGmykTmdxO2bLjgohhTG8XxCEDk_WtFmGY-21W0t77OoWZtg9iIIPH6uTBpz9ofZ7wNqKfepNXqhCcxP-_cYvKWpGXRC9c7ZCbTeen0E10O5E7tHslsYkS34etj-i9aMc/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj71LuzdKXo-9jHGmykTmdxO2bLjgohhTG8XxCEDk_WtFmGY-21W0t77OoWZtg9iIIPH6uTBpz9ofZ7wNqKfepNXqhCcxP-_cYvKWpGXRC9c7ZCbTeen0E10O5E7tHslsYkS34etj-i9aMc/s400/images-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What better than to start the month of December with a movie featuring skeletal dinos running amok? Nothing more Christmassy than that!</span></span><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary</span></span></b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In Mill City, Stayton University is about to open a huge new research compound. Unfortunately for the locals, building the compound means tearing down things like the Cowichan Indian Museum, run by Dakota (Raul Trujillo). Dakota calls upon the Great Spirit to teach the university a thing or two, but the Spirit takes up residence in the skeletons of a T-Rex, a raptor (the movie-sized kind), and a pteranodon. The dinos escape and start preying on the citizens of Mill Lake. The town sheriff, Jake (Steven Brand), must team up with his estranged wife Emma (Kirsty Mitchell) to save his daughter and the town from the rampaging skeletons.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 30%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Everybody puts in average acting--nothing special in the way of hamminess or a spectacular lack of acting. Except for Lincoln Frager, who plays up all the negative frat stereotypes as much as he can.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Come to think of it, Wyatt (Gabriel Womack) injected a nice big dose of idiosyncrasy into the story. It also doesn't hurt that Wyatt is the owner of the movie's token dog, an adorable pug. (Of course the pug lives.) Anyway, Wyatt gives other characters helpful advice, like telling them to roll in cow poop because the dinos hate the smell.</span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVc8PSI-U5Tsj9Rcbm0Am9L2D_McMN4gH8trNyeyWk1UYRSvERtt-QAMCu4TGZ_2DUlKVhYThD3V0feEA0ATO8xmkU7Ql-E1W5VglYUzZqTBAn-iXT4izRoptXNftL0wAdHpUm3wjStuRI/s1600/214719_512x288_generated.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVc8PSI-U5Tsj9Rcbm0Am9L2D_McMN4gH8trNyeyWk1UYRSvERtt-QAMCu4TGZ_2DUlKVhYThD3V0feEA0ATO8xmkU7Ql-E1W5VglYUzZqTBAn-iXT4izRoptXNftL0wAdHpUm3wjStuRI/s400/214719_512x288_generated.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">But women LOVE L'Eau de Merde.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 100%</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">GLOWING RED EYES!!!</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj372mS1FEWS30V-SmdJKJQtau71zr4jlGxwDbw_PPoHky1mgDSbuuq0viPSNkPDx6yyMk7oK713BzU7xPKJpcYDIpFUwFlh_VOPCAE108aSrckxBbjW2cN3p-mwkMjhvW2p-Y9HTIJD8CW/s1600/t1larg.triassic..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj372mS1FEWS30V-SmdJKJQtau71zr4jlGxwDbw_PPoHky1mgDSbuuq0viPSNkPDx6yyMk7oK713BzU7xPKJpcYDIpFUwFlh_VOPCAE108aSrckxBbjW2cN3p-mwkMjhvW2p-Y9HTIJD8CW/s400/t1larg.triassic..jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They snarl and roar despite a distinct lack of vocal chords, lungs or anything else besides bone. Whenever the skeletons get blown apart, they magically reform. The crowning moment occurs when the T-Rex and pteranodon skeletons recombine to form a Ptyrannodon Rex. A flying T-Rex--most awesome, Syfy!</span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyaoblXjnZ9RH9iTSjQmYCAsZGmp7jNpfRoL1cmsPSpjzUpOLu23R_oiavBtZXzqlViiPond_QbjwbUF1D8qnOv-CTXSoXUxjo7-cqMH3KaftbrNrw1gf6cA6zn6jFdqJGgmSvL1_FrQDx/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyaoblXjnZ9RH9iTSjQmYCAsZGmp7jNpfRoL1cmsPSpjzUpOLu23R_oiavBtZXzqlViiPond_QbjwbUF1D8qnOv-CTXSoXUxjo7-cqMH3KaftbrNrw1gf6cA6zn6jFdqJGgmSvL1_FrQDx/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey, they have bad breath too!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 70%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The dinos are great fun, but as usual for Syfy movies, the dino-less scenes tend to drag. I found Frat Boy's death quite gratifying, but sadly the movie's version of the Evil Businessman (a university president) gets redeemed instead of eaten. Ptyrannodon Rex must not have gotten the memo from the Great Spirit to kill ALL the sexist jerks. Bad P-Rex! Bad!</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 40%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Will Jake and Emma rediscover their love for each other? Will Jake make peace with his brother Dakota? Can the quirky locals of Mill City and the university learn to coexist in a mutually beneficial way? In other words, will Mill City's tourist traps survive?</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 0%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Really, what other rating can I give this movie's Plot Fiber? I did have fun remembering how I used to imagine the skeletons at the Field Museum coming to life when I was a kid, though. Unfortunately, it just doesn't happen even if a bunch of Indian artifacts and 100,000 volts of electricity are at hand.</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0sDurGsCaVVyNfI1NpXOxdgrkTsBpXN2d_v5Q1nOYTMekZMnmKRAFTE-oBcWjzg6jPBoXsYyk9de2lozBgPlatXVULaWawPzHa7yUOyCZf0DwXH7I3NG0QaB87JsyfqPgJm6A_SgJW-aF/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0sDurGsCaVVyNfI1NpXOxdgrkTsBpXN2d_v5Q1nOYTMekZMnmKRAFTE-oBcWjzg6jPBoXsYyk9de2lozBgPlatXVULaWawPzHa7yUOyCZf0DwXH7I3NG0QaB87JsyfqPgJm6A_SgJW-aF/s400/images-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Pseudoscience Pill--NA</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Political Pill: 70%</span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dakota sums up this movie's political tensions perfectly in this line:</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"If you side with the elite, you side with EVIL!"</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Elite" covers all the various, stereotyped political and social threads that make an appearance--Indians vs. whites, old ways vs. new ways and locals vs. big business. I know it's a university and not a big business like Wal-Mart, but honestly, the movie treats it exactly the same as it would an evil oil company or a greedy biotech company.</span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-800930816463421192010-11-21T16:59:00.000-05:002010-11-21T16:59:42.381-05:00Village of the Giants<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMNdY8RX5DLQBFDSgXC39t8f9s7sGALcAfrPuvmvOR7IYDRpbJ6P8ygFyaIiJx6MKiIf5GpLagpx2QYtG0PVTh6ILta8Zzlih99kNBQ34zGIwFbpCyU_8YXRBNwnrychwsHp5An2xMKCZv/s1600/images-37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMNdY8RX5DLQBFDSgXC39t8f9s7sGALcAfrPuvmvOR7IYDRpbJ6P8ygFyaIiJx6MKiIf5GpLagpx2QYtG0PVTh6ILta8Zzlih99kNBQ34zGIwFbpCyU_8YXRBNwnrychwsHp5An2xMKCZv/s400/images-37.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <style>
@font-face {
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</style><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I was in the mood for an anti-establishment movie, and I didn't feel like sitting through an endless movie like <i>Billy Jack</i> (though it holds a dear place in my B-movie heart). So I decided to try a movie I'd never seen before. Let's just say that the image of a tiny man clinging to a woman's bikini top really tells you everything you need to know about this film's sophistication and grooviness. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Plot Summary</b><br />
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Genius (Ron Howard), a science <i>wunderkind</i>, accidentally invents “goo,” which turns anything that eats it into a giant. Fred (Beau Bridges) and his Groovy Crew of teenagers hear of the goo. They steal it and eat it, turn into giants, and proceed to take over tiny Hainesville. The Groovy Crew punishes the adults for their establishment, anti-hip ways. In the end, Genius discovers the antidote, the Groovy Crew flees, and Hainesville is happy and establishment once again. <br />
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<b>Vitamin B-Acting: 70% </b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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The actors don’t take this movie seriously--like that would even be possible. Even the little Ron Howard is in on the joke. This adds a nice easy feeling to the movie. I’ll freely admit that Genius was my favorite character—nerdy redheads with glasses rule! </span> <span style="font-size: small;">If only I could spout random chemical formulas as easily as Genius does...</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg50VDdSz0Ep8IGf57kCo0uMvGo2cn6nCszLVtbZHevpooCPf54a_uZ0mlQjHsUR51bPhfm7B815NChqM6omYeABkUSyvRRgbeVxB5_Hzl-YA8R470xsbr0ieQN6lYLJIHMAg0sLBmMhAa7/s1600/images-39.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg50VDdSz0Ep8IGf57kCo0uMvGo2cn6nCszLVtbZHevpooCPf54a_uZ0mlQjHsUR51bPhfm7B815NChqM6omYeABkUSyvRRgbeVxB5_Hzl-YA8R470xsbr0ieQN6lYLJIHMAg0sLBmMhAa7/s320/images-39.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Aw, it was nothing! You just need some H2ONaClAuHeNAlCW."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The other highlight of the movie is watching a 24-year-old Beau Bridges strut around in a bright red toga and diaper. That alone makes the movie totally worth an hour and 20 minutes of anybody’s time. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span> <span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7LtODLt4equkahAb-k00Jy3RpIkaistkJzNUxQrTum_gHBPpzSvYQAuRSDrjH-rtOUuDEz5VhKsZRpGmRqVZ-EXLXbhDqV2xdENaPoCZ0pv3cQcxhi0RhSe1BsKqnXXWrxXQzy0DCVd0g/s1600/images-36.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7LtODLt4equkahAb-k00Jy3RpIkaistkJzNUxQrTum_gHBPpzSvYQAuRSDrjH-rtOUuDEz5VhKsZRpGmRqVZ-EXLXbhDqV2xdENaPoCZ0pv3cQcxhi0RhSe1BsKqnXXWrxXQzy0DCVd0g/s400/images-36.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Of course they had giant sewing kits on hand. (Beau Bridges is at the left)</td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Vitamin B-SFX: 100%</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> </b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc-9GzpvxZ8vIun_3718ND3_VlUIyCQi47TUR7kTPJduOk2rG_OBYNXGd9QfdapFr2ymgjAwd7RtMAS9fSp_cQOfbGHYsSRb1Tpk8Zag46E2UGUrxHik_I4FeU5AD-fnEpya8XENwRR9-z/s1600/images-33.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc-9GzpvxZ8vIun_3718ND3_VlUIyCQi47TUR7kTPJduOk2rG_OBYNXGd9QfdapFr2ymgjAwd7RtMAS9fSp_cQOfbGHYsSRb1Tpk8Zag46E2UGUrxHik_I4FeU5AD-fnEpya8XENwRR9-z/s320/images-33.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A giant orange cat.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZCOl-7M55oqJkCJ3dfeIDw2aLYdw-CSMrB9nWnUh-NUjp2c8afciS595DgK04vrdAuTmih2H5TfKMby3C3c3_GjRDTLYymJPjN-Ous8Z-woPBVDcVVeUhnjjsgklAzhsY09LlEFrAuwO3/s1600/images-32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZCOl-7M55oqJkCJ3dfeIDw2aLYdw-CSMrB9nWnUh-NUjp2c8afciS595DgK04vrdAuTmih2H5TfKMby3C3c3_GjRDTLYymJPjN-Ous8Z-woPBVDcVVeUhnjjsgklAzhsY09LlEFrAuwO3/s320/images-32.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Giant ducks grooving to the Beau Brummels' "Woman."</td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Need I say any more?</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Okay, okay, there is more. It goes without saying that nowadays the SFX in this movie is extremely dated--the movie came out in 1965. The moviemakers obviously superimposed “giant” beings onto the movie, and the effect is hilarious every single time. </span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
The “capture” of Fred by the townspeople epitomizes the cheesiness of the special effects. The townspeople lure Fred out onto the streets. Then they zip around him in hot rods and muscle cars—my favorite was a neon yellow banana-shaped car with a surfboard. Meanwhile, someone offset feebly lobs ropes at Fred, who obliges by wrapping a few ropes around his body. The camera switches back and forth between a shot of Fred’s upper body and the cars zipping around, probably so they could avoid trying to edit the giant Fred into the overall scene. The best of all is that Fred could easily just stomp on the cars and people, but he doesn’t—he literally lies down and lets them “rope” him. </span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin Fun: 90% </b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
It’s SO GROOVY, man! Between the far-out SFX and the corny 60s music, you’ll have a ball. (Though I could have done without listening to all of “Woman” two times.) </span> <span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilJQOU54F-S6a7KfqeImheAE2zIc3LrwQI9TAmZK1MenfQo4icEkkLDFo7YcXwZ32lHhTS1CzesGhmi7DphPsqh9yqqN0hkj8bcrvYPbZJAJS6NPMryNN3hChRuvDBKAjCEsy39N8ZmrAC/s1600/images-35.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilJQOU54F-S6a7KfqeImheAE2zIc3LrwQI9TAmZK1MenfQo4icEkkLDFo7YcXwZ32lHhTS1CzesGhmi7DphPsqh9yqqN0hkj8bcrvYPbZJAJS6NPMryNN3hChRuvDBKAjCEsy39N8ZmrAC/s320/images-35.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Groovy Near Eastern-type statues included.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sugar: 0% </b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
There is no sugar—only GOO, magnificent GOO! </span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
<b>Plot Fiber: 0% </b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
There are so many ways to rip apart the plot holes in this movie, but I’m not going to bother this time. The movie doesn’t give a fig about science or logic. It just wants to make a “statement” about how dictatorial The Man is…in theory. I’m positive, though, that its primary reasons for existence were to provide a cheap vehicle (or hot rod, as the case may be) for sexual entendres, and to give teens a chance to make out at the drive-in.</span> </div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-8866383159459698922010-11-14T16:18:00.000-05:002010-11-14T16:18:05.009-05:00"The Lord of the Rings"<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Relax, it's the 1978 Ralph Bakshi version, not the Peter Jackson trilogy. (And in case you're wondering, the DVD cover for the Bakshi version really did put quotation marks around the title. I think it's quite fitting, personally.) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzcnWEY_gaxgKqb_oMKcBjypzrpfLWIxGoRMr_CQ825_UZWOPda_g0FWJdH0EyzDnm8fkwU3ACQPOndTCPIf4Z695Y1IZKEjuZb7m6q2ia_bXEst3aE44WRov2Lwgz8YpIhfLVZIzL-noK/s1600/images-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzcnWEY_gaxgKqb_oMKcBjypzrpfLWIxGoRMr_CQ825_UZWOPda_g0FWJdH0EyzDnm8fkwU3ACQPOndTCPIf4Z695Y1IZKEjuZb7m6q2ia_bXEst3aE44WRov2Lwgz8YpIhfLVZIzL-noK/s400/images-14.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Overcompensating much, Gandalf?</td></tr>
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Since the last Harry Potter movie is coming out next weekend (well, the first part anyway), I thought I'd mark the occasion by reviewing an "epic" movie for this post. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Since this is an animated film, I've substituted the "Vitamin B-SFX" category with "Strangimation."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Plot Summary</span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Have you really not heard of <i>Lord of the Rings</i> by now? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Okay, here's the plot: Frodo the Hobbit comes into possession of an all-powerful, evil Ring. The Dark Lord Sauron wants the Ring back so he can take over Middle Earth. Frodo must travel to Sauron's land, Mordor, and destroy the Ring by throwing it into the fires of Mount Doom. Frodo has only a small company of Hobbits, Elves and Men to help him through the journey. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><u><b>Nutrition Facts</b></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Strangimation: 100%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bakshi relied on Rotoscoping, a method of drawing animation over live-action film. The combination of light and heavy Rotoscoping was an intriguing premise, but it did not serve <i>Lord of the Rings</i> well. It’s not just that the animation method LOOKS strange, but Bakshi made a lot of stylistic decisions that were just plain odd. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For instance, the animation of the main characters switches back and forth between light and heavy Rotoscoping. There’s no good reason for the switcheroos. It’s also more confusing, because when the characters are in heavy Rotoscope form, it’s much harder to tell them apart and they melt into the background. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCK8wxAkoP7vk5uP4td9-nN-JQKqoBc7t-1fKNy3tL3u55KZKvIY8adV3GyKQUYQ9y4qV2uni7A4rXacpberJNlI2l7-mrsSoOL5mnBwZIQ2BaUNIUVB_Hb8zL-XH2SnQSfJ9YoWQuWIOT/s1600/Gandalf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCK8wxAkoP7vk5uP4td9-nN-JQKqoBc7t-1fKNy3tL3u55KZKvIY8adV3GyKQUYQ9y4qV2uni7A4rXacpberJNlI2l7-mrsSoOL5mnBwZIQ2BaUNIUVB_Hb8zL-XH2SnQSfJ9YoWQuWIOT/s400/Gandalf.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gandalf--light Rotoscoping on left, heavy Rotoscoping on the right</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzq3lH_KmLT9PqgGUVFsZVY94_qh_7xE4zAJP6Fpf1QCwF8YQjIhSIMc4ct0qrHjfn4Ua_Hrjlirdj02mlzEvt7_k1N7matst5N_IfYVZKpxkNB2nVJrvKW4U243xcxIOX9KdEU68fdu8b/s1600/images-26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzq3lH_KmLT9PqgGUVFsZVY94_qh_7xE4zAJP6Fpf1QCwF8YQjIhSIMc4ct0qrHjfn4Ua_Hrjlirdj02mlzEvt7_k1N7matst5N_IfYVZKpxkNB2nVJrvKW4U243xcxIOX9KdEU68fdu8b/s400/images-26.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another example of heavy Rotoscoping--from left to right: Gimli, Legolas, and one of the Hobbits</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The Rotoscoped characters in this film often don’t look like they’re part of the environment. There are several moments when lightly Rotoscoped characters appear to be floating in midair, as though someone just Photoshopped them onto the background.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqJJsWNBsoM_SEk_mwpsBbtXi5osp2__YHX-LHt-z5XV_BMeKPdcE-lQPcXD-8ELl4rJgOOwiMVkbbuPi8OVzig9kZPKJYlx7DpDNjglggPNumH27zOmlugrM0S5Lo_eDkaDEkdG1FDH6M/s1600/images-16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqJJsWNBsoM_SEk_mwpsBbtXi5osp2__YHX-LHt-z5XV_BMeKPdcE-lQPcXD-8ELl4rJgOOwiMVkbbuPi8OVzig9kZPKJYlx7DpDNjglggPNumH27zOmlugrM0S5Lo_eDkaDEkdG1FDH6M/s400/images-16.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Ringwraiths caught in a Photoshop moment</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Enough of generalities—let’s look at specific instances of heavy Rotoscoping problems.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The Orcs always appear in heavy Rotoscoped form, and always with hilarious effect. They usually have bright red eyes and fake fangs drawn on top of the Rotoscoping: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqi8gnHhLa8hTkn6eZxgrRO3xnAJw3VTY7XUghXcTU7Qv8EEEj8I0IYpcrqNWvhxK7fxxQMH5jHcOpuT7dXqnwVibwTlnx8FEPbdacGZJw8t-ljHmGbu3TdmXlBPqz2nmLUnia29A8rZA/s1600/images-20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivqi8gnHhLa8hTkn6eZxgrRO3xnAJw3VTY7XUghXcTU7Qv8EEEj8I0IYpcrqNWvhxK7fxxQMH5jHcOpuT7dXqnwVibwTlnx8FEPbdacGZJw8t-ljHmGbu3TdmXlBPqz2nmLUnia29A8rZA/s400/images-20.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Because the heavy Rotoscoping is so faithful to the live-action contours, you can clearly see that the actors are wearing pig and gorilla masks. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">But the most priceless heavy Rotoscoping moment of all is the Balrog. It consists of a half-naked man wearing a lion’s head, flimsy Halloween bat wings, and bedroom slippers:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-6YeDymBDMH_Nk6kwqcHzEXWiHTswAfZCjGD0KXKEFN5d_71d5RWKce26IgaQUX57BylLrbZ6C1FKhn9AqCGwM7OPbAxh-soMuO6BDYZIS__UCgXm4JgoEre4g4LNp5Vu8Wwnw_G5Riml/s1600/images-22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-6YeDymBDMH_Nk6kwqcHzEXWiHTswAfZCjGD0KXKEFN5d_71d5RWKce26IgaQUX57BylLrbZ6C1FKhn9AqCGwM7OPbAxh-soMuO6BDYZIS__UCgXm4JgoEre4g4LNp5Vu8Wwnw_G5Riml/s400/images-22.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"WHO TOOK MY BUNNY SLIPPERS?!?"<i> (Whip cracks)</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The heavy Rotoscoping is not to blame for all the bizarre aspects of the animation in this movie, though. The light Rotoscoping characters give us plenty to mock, as well. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0-6Kk3On_UiuSQlt6f83Jer8vwWwAzWp7ouhhaABz_CiY_pONf3WBjhNBdEV1k9W_HU71G4FCCkYQCCybwv41U8K2iRyd2PXYP5W1oif4pXR-GU710NsEPz-6wUTTYzf3qRfZy7Ti7ZFf/s1600/images-18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0-6Kk3On_UiuSQlt6f83Jer8vwWwAzWp7ouhhaABz_CiY_pONf3WBjhNBdEV1k9W_HU71G4FCCkYQCCybwv41U8K2iRyd2PXYP5W1oif4pXR-GU710NsEPz-6wUTTYzf3qRfZy7Ti7ZFf/s1600/images-18.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Give me Viggo Mortensen any day.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In general, the characters are always moving, and their contours seem to shift constantly. I found their eyes particularly distracting--in the beginning of the film, their pupils seem to shrink and grow. The constant movement makes it feel as if you're watching a quivering mass of Jell-O blobs at times.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The Ringwraiths look like Jawas, with their brown robes and glowing red eyes. Interestingly, they also appear to be wearing slacks and leather shoes under their robes, as if they took off five minutes from work to film.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEPzY-ZMdlu9XIEkLztNC0dBME7SyWWhFjvblRdBF3QWoWO4VbqdMRb_zs-uKfJ9-v3cJE6q9U7ybW_e-AyLJUJ6de6tv8b3c9dW_umtMF2PEPbS8fD88UvQgnQvmpqhbQ6sYtPdDl8-GY/s1600/nazgultree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEPzY-ZMdlu9XIEkLztNC0dBME7SyWWhFjvblRdBF3QWoWO4VbqdMRb_zs-uKfJ9-v3cJE6q9U7ybW_e-AyLJUJ6de6tv8b3c9dW_umtMF2PEPbS8fD88UvQgnQvmpqhbQ6sYtPdDl8-GY/s320/nazgultree.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A really, really lost Jawa.</td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My personal favorite: Boromir the Viking, in a MINISKIRT!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqd4qjnxzxar-YbckVJzw6UOmQvSnirfOCLcYjGuCDB4A7nQt6o2ehJ5u1Fes03lHZWo9qjsrAU2FpEz3K7YYfa7jgoThMePwLxZ2Sk2UV4AYOoZ0fPvlRTn7HXZORvh2iHnpbp1RCSj_/s1600/0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqd4qjnxzxar-YbckVJzw6UOmQvSnirfOCLcYjGuCDB4A7nQt6o2ehJ5u1Fes03lHZWo9qjsrAU2FpEz3K7YYfa7jgoThMePwLxZ2Sk2UV4AYOoZ0fPvlRTn7HXZORvh2iHnpbp1RCSj_/s320/0.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"But I NEED the Ring to complete my look!"</td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Finally, we get treated to several light shows from the wizards and elves, including one that was apparently created by a disco ball. The wizards and elves also enjoy shooting lame sparks of colorful lightning from their hands for no reason. </span> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjieLpv4pFYjHlxAsDsQA3Fj8N0FWK5c5RX8xt944cCgnb3nZrU74iIGMoeSLnejz9xMdS6CznmQ3f_Pbqs2fpUXGQjgUFBI6wRDXZwe7VtEfU7OnPyicNQz1CPdEpCzH5MC_NVijfUBGBR/s1600/images-15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjieLpv4pFYjHlxAsDsQA3Fj8N0FWK5c5RX8xt944cCgnb3nZrU74iIGMoeSLnejz9xMdS6CznmQ3f_Pbqs2fpUXGQjgUFBI6wRDXZwe7VtEfU7OnPyicNQz1CPdEpCzH5MC_NVijfUBGBR/s400/images-15.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drugs had to be involved somehow.</td></tr>
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</div><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Vitamin Fun: 80%</span></b> <div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Plenty of WTF to keep snarkers occupied! Good thing, too, since this movie goes on for almost 2 ½ hours.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Sugar: 0%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Plot Fiber: 20%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bakshi tried to do the impossible—cram in material from two long, dense books (<i>Fellowship of the Ring</i> and <i>The Two Towers</i>). As a result, this version has a very choppy, episodic feel, especially during the last half. Character development is nonexistent. If you’ve never read the books or watched the Peter Jackson movies, you’re likely to have trouble figuring out why certain things happen or characters behave the way they do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I only know the story from the Peter Jackson movies--I never got beyond <i>Fellowship of the Ring</i> in the book series. For extensive details on the adaptation problems and the soundtrack issues, check out <a href="http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/bakshi/bakshi.htm">this review.</a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip6gCp4QyUGAunC_1apOsgi3d-eIpE4u5WUFFVJHjfQsExbygNxggS7xvGiOGS8NXDUCv949HNJFmqwCW1EaMCWv1bRUN3UJ7QZOtlJgxdUv_kWjIjSDwl3_mgZIhvVFKTCTTngFnHELxG/s1600/images-17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip6gCp4QyUGAunC_1apOsgi3d-eIpE4u5WUFFVJHjfQsExbygNxggS7xvGiOGS8NXDUCv949HNJFmqwCW1EaMCWv1bRUN3UJ7QZOtlJgxdUv_kWjIjSDwl3_mgZIhvVFKTCTTngFnHELxG/s320/images-17.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Ringwraith in one of the more LSD-inspired scenes.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-76627781236238111482010-11-07T12:27:00.001-05:002010-11-07T12:28:20.466-05:00Omen Series Recap<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp4lI0ZMWH7qpV0HrQjOLQxBVMIkxuTmZ8V5D_B8gMMGMcy6J6Txwf9Zg_84mZqSOZEM5M6VbXdtkaPkGWSeQ63L9-AAVOSR7yI_FDaHE3LCYPP5ST8mp8-wZDfksUdEx5xA-ahVjAITWz/s1600/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="78" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp4lI0ZMWH7qpV0HrQjOLQxBVMIkxuTmZ8V5D_B8gMMGMcy6J6Txwf9Zg_84mZqSOZEM5M6VbXdtkaPkGWSeQ63L9-AAVOSR7yI_FDaHE3LCYPP5ST8mp8-wZDfksUdEx5xA-ahVjAITWz/s400/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hello readers! </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The reviews will be back to normal next weekend. My work blew up this weekend (yes, I have a job--I don't just sit around watching B-movies 24/7, though I sometimes wish I could), and the Syfy movie I was thinking of reviewing turned out to be a little too competent to qualify for the blog. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On the bright side, Syfy is having a Shark Movie Day today, including <i>Sharktopus</i>! If you have some time this afternoon, check it out!</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Without further ado, here's a recap of the gloriously stinky <i>Omen</i> series...<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS INSTALLMENT</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">5.<i> The Omen</i> (1976)</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">4.<i> The Omen</i> (2006)</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3. <i>The Omen III: The Final Conflict</i></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2. <i>Damien: Omen II</i></div><br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And the winner is...</div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliJ7A6T8nyp8xgeKKMxZ2HvrXih-j8fnolZk3NrNfjQql2b86ZqnQnLSJXlOHjmanQaucUgTCRrMuEw195OIRo4JkkTf32wPrGJu1mCVWKLzHT2Y0-2Y78dM0npY0zKj8kutSSAuDn8G8/s1600/images-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliJ7A6T8nyp8xgeKKMxZ2HvrXih-j8fnolZk3NrNfjQql2b86ZqnQnLSJXlOHjmanQaucUgTCRrMuEw195OIRo4JkkTf32wPrGJu1mCVWKLzHT2Y0-2Y78dM0npY0zKj8kutSSAuDn8G8/s320/images-5.jpg" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The clowns and New Age put this one on top.</td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>WORST DAMIEN</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">4-5. Sam Neill/Asia Vieira (tie)</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3. Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2. Harvey Stephens</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And the winner is....</div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpd-l1prPwVbKundV3cTv52WnDfLTwOUKHT3RoONLX6MJATAvmFTQyA7FBZqjMj-b-X669TRy_Pras3lHGuB4NCOaMrOomBVVLL0HcMlADaUZ9XdDOjRbILC31OZHYHWbiSopcK_uar79Y/s1600/images-17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpd-l1prPwVbKundV3cTv52WnDfLTwOUKHT3RoONLX6MJATAvmFTQyA7FBZqjMj-b-X669TRy_Pras3lHGuB4NCOaMrOomBVVLL0HcMlADaUZ9XdDOjRbILC31OZHYHWbiSopcK_uar79Y/s400/images-17.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jonathan Scott-Taylor, AKA "Desolate One, Jr."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">STUPIDEST SATANIC KILLING METHOD</span></b><br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>The Omen </i>(1976): Beheaded by glass plate truck</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Damien: Omen II</i>: Sliced in half by Elevator of Doom</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Omen III: The Final Conflict</i>: The super-elaborate gun suicide setup, dreamed up by a Rottweiler</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Omen IV: The Awakening</i>: Beaned by Hell's Wrecking Ball</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>The Omen</i> (2006): Death by excessive symbolism</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The stupidest of all: Elevator of Doom </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>MOST OVERUSED SYMBOL</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>The Omen</i> (1976): Rottweilers</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Damien: Omen II</i>: Raven</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Omen III: The Final Conflict:</i> Nothing in particular</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Omen IV</i>: The Awakening: Upside-down crosses</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>The Omen</i> (2006): The color red</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The most overused of all: <i>Omen IV</i>, for the upside-down crosses </div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1PE6hjty8vL0H_31oTa8m0C1bhRhnV-IZtA4MNrMje0iq92o1uQfdAHJeRJ7KhPbmbLLNgFomuriPTyOZD6KGv5x9uFOgofmYsWMjk11Meniiue2evL7Bkmn4pD1tGo4T3ZMFIOyKkbMG/s1600/17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1PE6hjty8vL0H_31oTa8m0C1bhRhnV-IZtA4MNrMje0iq92o1uQfdAHJeRJ7KhPbmbLLNgFomuriPTyOZD6KGv5x9uFOgofmYsWMjk11Meniiue2evL7Bkmn4pD1tGo4T3ZMFIOyKkbMG/s400/17.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Thank you for tuning into the Omen series on Vitamin B-Movies!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-75141971065474224312010-10-31T00:18:00.050-04:002010-10-31T14:43:37.449-04:00The Omen (2006 Remake)<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Finally, FINALLY I’m done with the <i>Omen</i> series!!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This remake closely follows the original <i>Omen’</i>s script, which means it still has the same gaping plot holes. (To refresh your memory on my thoughts about the original <i>Omen</i>, <a href="http://vitaminbmovie.blogspot.com/2010/10/omen-1976.html">click here.</a>) That said, out of all five movies in the series, this is the one I would most willingly watch. The remake is chock full of good actors, even if their hearts are not really in their roles. The moviemakers succeeded in making the Rottweilers scarier, though the dogs still wait for the script’s command before attacking. As you can see, I’m tacking on a lot of qualifiers because even the good bits are overshadowed by problems.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Plot Summary</span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Same as the original--Robert Thorn (Liev Schreiber) secretly adopts a baby boy after his son dies during childbirth. Thorn and his wife Kate (Julia Stiles) live happily in England with their son, Damien (Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick), until people they know start dying mysteriously. Rottweilers magically materialize. Thorn does some research on Damien's origins, and what he discovers horrifies him.</span><u><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Nutrition Facts</span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Vitamin B-Acting: 20%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Let’s take a look at our new Damien, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick. I will concede that the kid is a better actor than Harvey Stephens. I particularly liked the more intimate scenes between Davey-Fitzpatrick and Julia Stiles. He pulled off the awkward creepiness pretty well in those scenes. However, his character still comes across as a homicidal jerk. Look, if you are going to insist that the Antichrist will rise out of politics, you’d better make it possible for your audience to imagine the kid going into politics rather than straight to jail or a mental hospital. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS48hVZ5h_DL8K7Ck4EPcmwgcuDvbzOR-eS-LCRul-vhIeINwLP0cV-O5nEj8ha0dBx8fTIiJHSSm8clsMaXuhj5rOdjpZJhxgv4MkDiEGSTr-TTKoewBYqEglPhSPrKz3BHasOgH5dFWX/s1600/images-4.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Don't mind us. We're just trying to inject some life into this series."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS48hVZ5h_DL8K7Ck4EPcmwgcuDvbzOR-eS-LCRul-vhIeINwLP0cV-O5nEj8ha0dBx8fTIiJHSSm8clsMaXuhj5rOdjpZJhxgv4MkDiEGSTr-TTKoewBYqEglPhSPrKz3BHasOgH5dFWX/s1600/images-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Julia Stiles and Liev Schreiber put in decent performances, though they don’t seem deeply engaged in their roles. This is true for most of the cast, which gives the movie a flat feel overall. Anyway, the only other remark I have is that Schreiber often bears a weird resemblance to an older Shia LaBeouf or Forrest Gump throughout the movie, thanks to his haircut and the lighting. </span></div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAD9dldkRYwfdUGd6e5ml21bpWVHod6RMm6hhUXzfO12wmHgJT-9gDBRKAgc0ugVRcjjOMxGQeZb8RTKcqllz4HKAEfEib4LH9fwGBIvodeVg0BO4rJvAnC5HMijvB3z0CtPijnsjrN_o/s1600/images-12.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well, we can be glad Schreiber didn't look this dorky instead.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAD9dldkRYwfdUGd6e5ml21bpWVHod6RMm6hhUXzfO12wmHgJT-9gDBRKAgc0ugVRcjjOMxGQeZb8RTKcqllz4HKAEfEib4LH9fwGBIvodeVg0BO4rJvAnC5HMijvB3z0CtPijnsjrN_o/s1600/images-12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;">Then we have what I call “the Harry Potter contingent”:</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilYliwGV6n08JURAhXp-tg2lWOb2c8chXyT9Oc2ws86VSNiZNq8ygg7sLaLAOfUF5TsmdZjgtCBFFwtty5IBzvY_uN8kAeWKuz6TE3iFIcDSOSC5eqr12NxGu23NPTtvYG6HrHTAZRMDEb/s1600/images-10.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Michael Gambon as Bugenhagen, AKA Albus Dumbledore</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilYliwGV6n08JURAhXp-tg2lWOb2c8chXyT9Oc2ws86VSNiZNq8ygg7sLaLAOfUF5TsmdZjgtCBFFwtty5IBzvY_uN8kAeWKuz6TE3iFIcDSOSC5eqr12NxGu23NPTtvYG6HrHTAZRMDEb/s1600/images-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Jybis9Aq4CSCqFZMd-N_wYAYJKzoQLrvWrWTqdcvnEGluYB5AhM0Cj4ud7ECqD06Wnx_kUdvqBupITBaFUUcy8yiiwXKyJLYtXt5N98zP2lQVotvJiKf7J1TvcO8tRnZ6pOOJdty9b73/s1600/images-1.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">David Thewlis as photographer Keith Jennings, AKA Remus Lupin</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Jybis9Aq4CSCqFZMd-N_wYAYJKzoQLrvWrWTqdcvnEGluYB5AhM0Cj4ud7ECqD06Wnx_kUdvqBupITBaFUUcy8yiiwXKyJLYtXt5N98zP2lQVotvJiKf7J1TvcO8tRnZ6pOOJdty9b73/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The last two notables are Pete Postlethwaite, as the doomed Father Brennan, and Mia Farrow as Mrs. Baylock. Postlethwaite gives an understated performance, and thus is more believable than his predecessor in the original movie. Still, there wasn’t much he could do to improve the material he had to work with.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mia Farrow’s Mrs. Baylock passes for normal better than her <i>Omen</i> 1976 version. However, Farrow’s appearance in this movie does invite unfortunate comparisons with <i>Rosemary’s Baby,</i> a far superior Antichrist movie. <i>Rosemary’s Baby </i>understood the importance of subtlety and plot logic, unlike the makers of the <i>Omen</i>. Mia, you should have just stuck with <i>Rosemary’s Baby</i>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Vitamin B-SFX: 70%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Although the cinematography is more sophisticated than in the original <i>Omen</i>, the remake suffers from overdone “artistic” touches. Some of the touches could have enhanced the movie’s atmosphere quite well, had they been a thousand times more understated.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEzt9FpK8d4i8UKCXWbQTLR8WP8Q55Nd4x9JmT66hO5svHh7cFYpig8LFM5lq6QZ1V1vsyLjY21wmyrG-y0XFrvQ-0XKG5bw2C7DUnMsV1p47j0hMeyMAhw1iRxF0oN5JmQJtXfWsrGQw4/s320/images-8.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Pardon, signore--symbolism? What symbolism?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’ll use the movie’s treatment of Julia Stiles as an example of overdone symbolism. If you watch the movie, you’ll quickly notice the prevalence of red around Stiles. It appears again and again…and again, even in ways that don’t add any suspense or creepiness to the scene.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Let’s take a closer look at one particular scene—the one in which Damien knocks his mother off a third-floor landing. First it starts with Mrs. Baylock feeding Damien strawberries, so Damien has a blood red stain around his mouth. Then he gets on his scooter, which has blood red wheels. The camera kindly gives us several close-ups of these unholy wheels. The unsuspecting Julia Stiles is watering some hanging planters that house blood red flowers. Her water sprayer is blood red. Surprisingly, her high heels aren’t blood red. Damien rams his scooter into her, she falls over the banister, and as she clings to the wooden paneling for dear life, blood red petals poetically drift over her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLHqz54rmhmEGEYQ4ujBcsvVGL4xFw2WGwamdbeYRKncgag99RpSKj4tTyN-mLDqngTN6AlwMAU9_ANKmmA34lx5nTnTDO9kbYYioT5jo7ts330XDHsOH0ZfjVbcHNHyOySznUwC2Zau8/s1600/images-6.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Death by excessive symbolism--what a way to go.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLHqz54rmhmEGEYQ4ujBcsvVGL4xFw2WGwamdbeYRKncgag99RpSKj4tTyN-mLDqngTN6AlwMAU9_ANKmmA34lx5nTnTDO9kbYYioT5jo7ts330XDHsOH0ZfjVbcHNHyOySznUwC2Zau8/s1600/images-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ah, but the movie doesn’t let Julia Stiles off the hook there. She has a number of nightmare sequences in which various demons from Hell drift in and out of an ethereal bathroom.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjND67okBldFBmLt-9ncRj0cxvS-CP04wm6aBO8RZzHoSPChKhT7D3QVKH2E8JoyT4AxyoB8zeD1D-iXW2fiOSkNk_H1cPVrTXDvUumQqGRYJyYaDHvT6PyZlSftFLWWoi5OoYTkTubynTL/s1600/images-5.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey, baby, wanna see my pitchfork<span style="font-family: Arial;">?"</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial;">We only get secondary flashes of these images. This is a perfect example of a touch that could have been quite effective if the filmmakers hadn’t blown it. They piled on the images one after the other, thus resulting in a corny “haunted house” feel to the sequences.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">One last gripe—purple captioning. Remember how the sound effect captioning from <a href="http://vitaminbmovie.blogspot.com/2010/09/wraiths-of-roanoke.html"><i>Wraiths of Roanoke</i></a> always included the word “ominous”? There’s a similar problem with the captioning for the <i>Omen</i> remake’s theme music. I quickly grew irritated with the following captions, which appeared <i>ad nauseam</i>:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Deep eerie growl”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“Quiet foreboding theme plays”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“Low ominous tones playing”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“Eerie screeching in distance”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“Quiet suspenseful theme”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My personal favorite: “Eerie tones and rhythms playing”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Besides the fact that it’s kind of insulting to be told how we should interpret a particular sound, there are just too many adjectives in those captions. Imagine if the “Latin choir singing” caption from the original <i>Omen</i> had constantly appeared as “Evil satanic choir sings hellishly.” Please, captioners, just one adjective per sound effect, if you must have any!</span><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Vitamin Fun: 60%</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Decent acting and a better handling of certain scenes makes this one of the more bearable Omen films to watch. The goofier elements I’ve discussed also make this movie good for mockery as well.</span><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Sugar: 0%</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Plot Fiber: 0%</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Due to the remake’s slavish copying of the original, it’s only fair to give it the same plot fiber rating that I gave to the original.<u><b> </b></u></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><u><b>Coming Soon...</b></u> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Well, that concludes the blog's first special feature series! Never fear, I have other series planned for the future! But first, here's what to look for in the immediate future: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">1) A Syfy movie review in a few days</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">2) An <i>Omen </i>series recap at the end of the week</span></div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-59881828526189030982010-10-27T22:19:00.000-04:002010-10-27T22:19:43.847-04:00Maneater<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><style>
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</style> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhtOpLYIMJJQmhxPFKpRU5PEDYtgC2toXaHTYi_2en_ej45uCOAUjdREpbaAcA5yMYucPKM8v1pNw3c15hlkpUjs2VTGZKabzS-J5OWEDcqOnUM2tZtd8BrxZnXv6PtSWqc6emFogYWwJz/s1600/maneater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhtOpLYIMJJQmhxPFKpRU5PEDYtgC2toXaHTYi_2en_ej45uCOAUjdREpbaAcA5yMYucPKM8v1pNw3c15hlkpUjs2VTGZKabzS-J5OWEDcqOnUM2tZtd8BrxZnXv6PtSWqc6emFogYWwJz/s320/maneater.jpg" width="231" /></a></div><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The wild ‘n’ crazy Gary Busey. A killer tiger. A little boy who insists the tiger is “misunderstood.” Sounds like a promising Syfy movie, no? If only it hadn’t been so lifeless…the possibilities were endless!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b><span style="font-size: small;">Plot Summary</span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A truck overturns on a rural road in “Taruga County.” (The movie was filmed in Winnipeg, but I got the distinct sense that it was supposed to be a rural Southern town, like in North Carolina.) A tiger escapes, and starts snacking on the unsuspecting townspeople. Can Sheriff Grady Barnes (Busey) stop the “misunderstood” tiger? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><br />
</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b><span style="font-size: small;">Nutrition Facts</span></b></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><br />
</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">Vitamin B-Acting: 80%</span></b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIt-CxbLeDW9tgQ83nRFVFVwnNKGfBH9qrqs5yyNhQrCfyG0CqJwNLrS6DEM_PAigsK0yzH3vAvr_KBLNw7opCHIGAwGYZbBwiO0QQ405ldJKLDfz8qxK9oUwv4FPGj6CZ6QLCcCcYkfes/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIt-CxbLeDW9tgQ83nRFVFVwnNKGfBH9qrqs5yyNhQrCfyG0CqJwNLrS6DEM_PAigsK0yzH3vAvr_KBLNw7opCHIGAwGYZbBwiO0QQ405ldJKLDfz8qxK9oUwv4FPGj6CZ6QLCcCcYkfes/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Gary Busey turns in a most intriguing performance. His “Saawthun” accent is a hoot, as are his ill-fitting tweed jackets. He swings back and forth between "bemused hamminess" and "zoned out." As long as you don’t blink, you’ll catch the moments when his acting talent comes out. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As for the rest of the cast, you can expect static, dull acting. Except for the mayor, who’s a total caricature of the <i>Jaws</i> mayor.</span><b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">Vitamin B-SFX: 10%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A few dismembered limbs and an explosion or two, but really nothing of note in B-movie terms. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The closest the movie comes to “cinematic art” occurs in the dream sequences involving the boy, Roy, and the tiger. You guessed it—they’re shot in soft, gauzy light with distorted camera angles. Sadly, we don’t witness the tiger actually talking to the boy, but it is tempting to envision them as Calvin and Hobbes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP8fleculZUUvIwtEkUv17ddDo4fCB_GNdOgk41gDAyoaidYWPadOb4_B4vHdZ1Kbofd7Q7MI-0F5r1ZO5mJ2ZLutsVbf0hW3Oa_y3vQIereyIH5rYrjOoY2pbg5H-sDSTrzvXqFEMclDi/s320/Calvin-and-Maneater.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="216" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I haven't seen Susie Derkins lately..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">Vitamin Fun: 40%</span></b> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The movie starts out strong—I mean, strong in the B-movie way, with lots of cheesiness. Then it turns into the most boring movie in the second half, with a flabby ending. Darn it, little Roy doesn’t even have a serious face-off with Hobbes in which he bellows to the heavens, “How could you betray me, Hobbes? I loved you! I defended you when everybody said you were a mindless killer!” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Seriously, though, the movie’s second half gets too concerned with exploring the characters’ tragic backstories and philosophizing about man’s relationship with nature. Oh, Hobbes kills a few people, but he’s hardly the main concern of the script. This script is heavy on sugar, which brings us to the next category…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">Sugar: 50%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This one piles on the tragic backstories with a big red shovel:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>1)</b> Roy lives with a super-religious mother who homeschools him using the Bible. As a result, he’s lonely (except for Hobbes). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><br />
</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>2)</b> Grady and his wife can’t have children. Guess who they end up adopting when Hobbes eats the super-religious mother?</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVPOmVsN8S1C8nOgOVvaIUkYjw8x0cmiNjybgE77vGerCFH8fmTU2AOjg1Z3MfF_NC57ji4C3bp_aJOXEoe5g6EPKdkF2anJHnu70SdtLjPV5pT3YOYuxE6F8E7NfznWOdSFVoEqxlB2R7/s320/images-3.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">YUMMEE</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVPOmVsN8S1C8nOgOVvaIUkYjw8x0cmiNjybgE77vGerCFH8fmTU2AOjg1Z3MfF_NC57ji4C3bp_aJOXEoe5g6EPKdkF2anJHnu70SdtLjPV5pT3YOYuxE6F8E7NfznWOdSFVoEqxlB2R7/s1600/images-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>3)</b> We also meet Colonel James Livingston Graham, a British hunter who walked straight off a Masterpiece Theater production set in colonial Africa. Or India, as the case is with Graham. Anyway, once upon a time, while hunting a maneating tiger in India, Graham was sleeping in a hut with his family. The tiger crept inside and made off with his 12-year-old son. Graham was accused of messing up the hunt, and his reputation sullied. Will hunting Hobbes heal Graham’s inner wounds? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">Plot Fiber: 70%</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">From what I’ve read of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_attack">maneating tigers</a>, it’s not at all implausible that Hobbes could evade his hunters and manage to kill a lot of people. Of course, as per the laws of Syfy, the characters do dumb stuff like split themselves up while hunting for Hobbes. But still, Hobbes doesn’t possess any special powers—he’s not a genetically altered creature or the hideous result of a nuclear bomb. He does what tigers do best: hunt. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The movie also did a pretty good job of depicting the media and public frenzy that would go with the discovery of a maneater on the loose. (Though the websites that appear are very quaint by today’s standards.) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Graham, on the other hand…I want to know how his time travel from 1890s Africa worked. Did he have a DeLorean? Or did he arrive via a Jumanji board? </span></div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-9939329200854490332010-10-24T14:47:00.002-04:002010-10-24T14:52:29.629-04:00Omen IV: The Awakening<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSbHtrwReFmU4Gc4yTHI-MMOepHi86dmdrKUMNHFM3V7DNfpuRpq0i7v6SYF5AcPvz2vTdKyT3q8WB4HKi3qw7IgbOxgcqF08mELu2vruFdeYIrhBALa2Jb5_l2sWwFuKvEASZn52tEiXm/s1600/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="78" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSbHtrwReFmU4Gc4yTHI-MMOepHi86dmdrKUMNHFM3V7DNfpuRpq0i7v6SYF5AcPvz2vTdKyT3q8WB4HKi3qw7IgbOxgcqF08mELu2vruFdeYIrhBALa2Jb5_l2sWwFuKvEASZn52tEiXm/s400/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" width="400" /><span id="goog_39343144"></span><span id="goog_39343145"></span></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliJ7A6T8nyp8xgeKKMxZ2HvrXih-j8fnolZk3NrNfjQql2b86ZqnQnLSJXlOHjmanQaucUgTCRrMuEw195OIRo4JkkTf32wPrGJu1mCVWKLzHT2Y0-2Y78dM0npY0zKj8kutSSAuDn8G8/s1600/images-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliJ7A6T8nyp8xgeKKMxZ2HvrXih-j8fnolZk3NrNfjQql2b86ZqnQnLSJXlOHjmanQaucUgTCRrMuEw195OIRo4JkkTf32wPrGJu1mCVWKLzHT2Y0-2Y78dM0npY0zKj8kutSSAuDn8G8/s320/images-5.jpg" width="229" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Just like the original <i>Omen</i>, but with a girl instead. Just as silly as the original <i>Omen</i>—with one exception. This one has the best “Damien” character thus far. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Have you recovered from your shock? Good. Let’s dig into the details, shall we? </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary </span></b></u></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Karen and Gene York adopt a beautiful baby girl who they name Delia. For the first few years, they’re a happy family. Then strange things happen and people start dying. The little girl always seems to be involved somehow, and Karen begins to wonder about Delia’s real identity. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<u><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts </span></span></b></u> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 20% </span></b></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This movie is notably different from the others in its lack of big stars. Faye Grant, Michael Woods, and Michael Lerner all acted mostly in TV, rather than movies. Their performances are low-key and decent. Only the nuns and Delia’s first nanny can fairly be accused of overacting in this installment. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Asia Vieira plays Delia, and compared with Harvey Stephens and Jonathan Scott-Taylor, she’s a pint-sized Meryl Streep. The first time I watched <i>Omen IV</i> a few years ago, I laughed at the movie, including Delia, without a second thought. But after watching the movies in sequence, it occurred to me that Vieira actually played her role well. She conveyed Delia’s manipulative ability more effectively than either Stephens or Scott-Taylor. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR3vmn_UdVIQIsZRpcLYjeHDdz3O5Pe7j26NflCWp33Lx7754uWbqG2igz4jqXwAvfe8VaN6CEvn9dHMUOOHJxV7-MVWbYKWZDPMnUQSPxwqvQs9fQhRN8zO14L5sZwZfdqcEPpWd0ARaF/s320/images-6.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Anything those boys can do, I can do better!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR3vmn_UdVIQIsZRpcLYjeHDdz3O5Pe7j26NflCWp33Lx7754uWbqG2igz4jqXwAvfe8VaN6CEvn9dHMUOOHJxV7-MVWbYKWZDPMnUQSPxwqvQs9fQhRN8zO14L5sZwZfdqcEPpWd0ARaF/s1600/images-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I could also imagine Vieira’s Delia growing into a charming, albeit sociopathic, politician much more easily than Stephens’ or Scott-Taylor’s Damiens. It helped that Asia Vieira used more than three facial expressions during the whole movie. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">By the way, if the name “Asia Vieira” sounds familiar at all, she played the sidekick on the Disney Channel show “Flash Forward.” </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today, Disney. Tomorrow...THE WORLD!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In case you’re wondering if I think this is a good movie, don’t worry. I thought the rest of the movie was terrible. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 0% </span></b></span> <b><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 70% </span></span></b> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> The best way to enjoy this movie is to ritually mock it, like people do for the <i>Rocky Horror Picture Show</i>. <i>Omen IV</i> begs for this kind of treatment, considering how often it directly rips off the original <i>Omen</i>’s script. I put forth these moments from <i>Omen IV</i> as candidates for mockery: </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>1)</b> Anytime the following happens: </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--Characters quoting the same biblical quotes as in <i>The Omen </i></span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--A character explains where the Antichrist will come from (politics) </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--A Rottweiler saunters into the scene </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--When a Catholic nun/priest who knows the truth is about to die/go bonkers </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>2)</b> The scene in which the father of one of Delia’s classmates is beheaded by the lowered back door of a truck (total rip-off from the glass plate truck scene in <i>The Omen</i>)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>3)</b> Delia’s first nanny dies<b> </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>4)</b> Karen kills Delia's demonic nanny, just like Gregory Peck in the first movie</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv9jDFjzsrpjkp7vDuFjbAB7k3yPeQs-TyUu8AAP_O2dGNcrBzWY1RPo_j1YaUmQzNAQCbAYdSUSu2y0z8VjLkC7BI_cMR3y-axztgMFv7m8HSP67XFVQBT3AvHkOz6S-u0ADrmy2gX5G7/s400/images-7.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eh, Mrs. Blaylock was much more hammy and fun to watch.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv9jDFjzsrpjkp7vDuFjbAB7k3yPeQs-TyUu8AAP_O2dGNcrBzWY1RPo_j1YaUmQzNAQCbAYdSUSu2y0z8VjLkC7BI_cMR3y-axztgMFv7m8HSP67XFVQBT3AvHkOz6S-u0ADrmy2gX5G7/s1600/images-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>5)</b> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Demonic auras appear in photographs</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>6) </b>Woman's intuition is brushed off as pregnancy-induced hysteria<b> </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>7)</b> </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Great Horse Freakout—the equine version of the first movie’s baboon scene. When the horses start neighing, someone in the audience should start yelling “FRAU BLUCHER!” </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOdWV80Uru0U0qbv7lAzg6Jtq0NfKg2g69A_e__WHdbkSCp24rjTQIi_0ns9Qk3TcR7jyjol70C9bJed9FKd7QCq7eKuD-fPuDuLgCefx0jr9NMvg8Pkz81YsqCtsw-XqQ8Q6w1yj_RLgi/s400/images-11.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WHINNY<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">!</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Here are some other moments that aren’t total ripoffs from the original, but nevertheless deserve to be incorporated into a ritual mocking: </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>1)</b> The use of clowns </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>2)</b> The crystals and <a href="http://www.skepdic.com/kirlian.html">Kirlian photographs</a> (Next time I have a hard time persuading someone that the Antichrist is among us, I’ll just say, “But I saw it in a KIRLIAN PHOTOGRAPH!!!”) </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>3)</b> The wrecking ball scene </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>4)</b> Whenever yet another upside-down cross appears, no matter how forced the setup </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 0% </span></b></span> <b><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 3% </span></span></b> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Bumped it up a tiny bit to Vieira’s acting, but plenty of bones to pick still. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Before going into my traditional dissection of the death scenes, there are two brief scenes I’d like to comment on. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The first is Delia’s christening. I found it absolutely laughable that the witnesses considered Delia’s crying at the baptismal font strange and unholy. Had the writers ever been to a baby’s baptism? If a baby crying during its baptism was a sign of satanic influence, the Antichrists would have overrun the world long ago. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The second scene takes place during Delia’s birthday party. One moment, we’re staring at one of the most frightening clown faces ever, then mercifully Terror Clown turns away to face the children. No one is screaming, though. Not one child. How often does this happen in the real world? Perhaps the kids were just terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought? (Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture of the clown.) </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now for the real fun—the deaths. The movie has two particularly stupid deaths—the glass plate truck ripoff and Michael Lerner’s death by wrecking ball. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ve already mentioned the truck beheading scene. An additional poetic touch helps distinguish it from the glass plate beheading in <i>The Omen</i>. Instead of seeing the man’s head rolling around in <i>Omen IV</i>, the moviemakers tastefully rolled a pink rubber ball with a clown face down the parking lot. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Michael Lerner’s death is an epic scene. First, Lerner walks down the street, looking at shop displays. He admires a toy crane in one window (foreshadowing!). A choir sings Christmas carols on the street. Lerner walks over to a nativity scene. It starts out your typical nativity scene. Then…the carols turn ominous…OMG, it’s the evil Latin chanting! The nativity Jesus turns into a zombie Jesus! Then we get the ultimate treat—we get to see the evil choir IN PERSON! </span></span> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlauEZEbChFcBCdS1aZWu4eaILE41jJwuFfcTouVg1B-fvzNHenumqFkgPunafR24k5EVyFyGkDroyw_UKiY32h0WbIo6IH1dG4BPr9uzOT-ef6Wi-_sI9UCWvQjD8BMzXI9WFIpFC3UvB/s400/images-4.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the off season, they work at the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Dungeon">London Dungeon</a><span style="font-size: small;">.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Trying to get away from the evil aura enveloping him, Lerner runs straight for a construction site. Naturally. Of course, the wrecking ball crane has powered up all by itself. We get to watch in extreme slo-mo as the ball smashes through a trailer and makes its way to Lerner’s noggin. Then we cut to a shot of egg yolks splattered on the floor. </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One last thing. As you may have guessed from my mention of crystals and Kirlian photography, there’s a lot of New Age in this film. Delia’s first (and doomed) nanny, Jo, uses New Age to figure out that Delia is evil. Not only does the New Age feel dated, but… </span></span> <span style="font-size: small;"><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioIHDPUFo4KCESBTYOAbiW6B8r94ryuyzY4jymv8BL1yvghO2X-mAlyzC_pdUbm6d0TGY-RbwHttW1qp0x3czfGojYx26cxOF0HPTT4ej4DcaP5R9-ji_y13leEbYV0NU82BU4JKe0HLfh/s1600/images-9.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm with Delia where New Age is concerned.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioIHDPUFo4KCESBTYOAbiW6B8r94ryuyzY4jymv8BL1yvghO2X-mAlyzC_pdUbm6d0TGY-RbwHttW1qp0x3czfGojYx26cxOF0HPTT4ej4DcaP5R9-ji_y13leEbYV0NU82BU4JKe0HLfh/s1600/images-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tune in next week for my review on the final movie in the series—the 2006 Omen remake with Julia Stiles, Liev Schreiber, and Mia Farrow! </span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-33989945533847518862010-10-17T16:12:00.000-04:002010-10-17T16:12:58.720-04:00Omen III: The Final Conflict<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoSaC90VxgoH14rLtWoJskW4_D6EFa3HjbxmewqOIERn_WBnBqqShxOfP0AGprgEBCbF1Gala3bhP2PDkIFy8qMqArDAZrJw8X0uBxGtuNGldTB6StWO0gw5kBff9K_0OamvuwDm6Kw_oO/s1600/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="78" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoSaC90VxgoH14rLtWoJskW4_D6EFa3HjbxmewqOIERn_WBnBqqShxOfP0AGprgEBCbF1Gala3bhP2PDkIFy8qMqArDAZrJw8X0uBxGtuNGldTB6StWO0gw5kBff9K_0OamvuwDm6Kw_oO/s400/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <style>
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</style><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh15tg35-6DrahLhicYtJQ0grR-RuuIHL7SJ-GNn3Z7tRucoL7MOcm9iLs5nUtX-Y931y3PhYEzMdHprScbi3PHucDWSSQlbeAvwpBUC_oeIjZpzOEhR9vlHs6KXJ4w9Bq1Js9dGTDo4FXb/s1600/images-27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh15tg35-6DrahLhicYtJQ0grR-RuuIHL7SJ-GNn3Z7tRucoL7MOcm9iLs5nUtX-Y931y3PhYEzMdHprScbi3PHucDWSSQlbeAvwpBUC_oeIjZpzOEhR9vlHs6KXJ4w9Bq1Js9dGTDo4FXb/s320/images-27.jpg" width="203" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I will just say that Sam Neill’s role as Damien in <i>Omen III </i>makes his role in <i>Jurassic Park</i> look like a high-art, Oscar-worthy performance by comparison. <br />
<br />
<u><b>Plot Summary </b></u><br />
<br />
Damien Thorn (Sam Neill) is now 32 years old, and the filthy rich head of Thorn Industries. Thanks to him, Thorn has been single-handedly saving the world from droughts, famines, and wars that resulted from the Great Recession. Thorn gets himself named US Ambassador to England, the first step in his plan to work towards the Presidency and then take over the world. But the Scriptures predict the Second Coming of Christ at the same time. Will Damien kill the new Son of God, or will supposedly Italian monks manage to protect the baby and kill Damien? </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV9wH-uU6ZrHq_653595OHHRSwMPKCbl88Ko2o61vEULR3AfysZjSttInJpCktKR61Y8zeACFJiU42rzQPq0HVbiVgSrR2NIhKdupDkMPTFr7UKYO5MOM65NMeWgfnlZI_kwgpWoIHhHOW/s400/images-39.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Dear Lord, please send the holy velociraptors to help us hunt Damien!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV9wH-uU6ZrHq_653595OHHRSwMPKCbl88Ko2o61vEULR3AfysZjSttInJpCktKR61Y8zeACFJiU42rzQPq0HVbiVgSrR2NIhKdupDkMPTFr7UKYO5MOM65NMeWgfnlZI_kwgpWoIHhHOW/s1600/images-39.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Nutrition Facts </b></u><br />
<b><br />
Vitamin B-Acting: 85% </b><br />
<br />
All the credit goes to Sam Neill. I’ll freely admit that I’ll take him as Damien any day over the two boys who played the young Damien in the previous movies. At least Sam Neill has actual acting talent. Trouble is, that talent couldn’t do much to alleviate the horrible lines Neill had to deliver. <br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The script is not all to blame, though. Neill overacts a lot. Now, he does do a much better job of being charming than the previous Damiens. I’ll give him that. But he still indulges in plenty of ham. His best moments occur whenever he gives a speech. I’ll give you an example from a scene in which he prays to Satan. As you read the dialogue, just imagine Neill glaring at a really ugly giant crucifix and speaking in a superior tone of voice: </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiryI9W7C6_PbAhQLrzeZdH2CJzJF0U5wzlzFhtyEE8706a64kOGxrzikQRDIEkQwoM5SHt7-qKS1OFjFLQn_3WJtSDJsovV50NMQgnJ7OXjaHFz2KDh6NEWbhRFPH9H_PaqOxdYgo91f46/s1600/images-32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiryI9W7C6_PbAhQLrzeZdH2CJzJF0U5wzlzFhtyEE8706a64kOGxrzikQRDIEkQwoM5SHt7-qKS1OFjFLQn_3WJtSDJsovV50NMQgnJ7OXjaHFz2KDh6NEWbhRFPH9H_PaqOxdYgo91f46/s1600/images-32.jpg" /></a></div><blockquote><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Nazarene, charlatan, what can you offer humanity? Since the hour you vomited forth from the gaping wound of a woman, you have done nothing but drown man's soaring desires in a deluge of sanctimonious morality. You've inflamed the pubertal mind of youth with your repellent dogma of original sin.</span></blockquote><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Gotta love that writing, huh? <br />
<br />
Another great Damien moment is when he orders his followers to kill all baby boys born within a certain frame of time, a la King Herod. Picture Neill trying to imitate great speakers like Martin Luther King, Jr., but twisting his mouth grotesquely in the process: </span></div><blockquote><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">I now command you to seek out and destroy the Nazarene child. Slay the Nazarene... and I shall reign forever. FAIIIL...and I perish. FAIIIL...and you shall perish. </span></blockquote><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Vitamin B-SFX: 60% </b><br />
<br />
Again, not a lot of special effects, but when they appear, they are very bad. The lightning in the church ruins scene is positively cartoonish. This film also tends towards artsy-fartsy touches, like showing a shot of a crucifix Jesus shedding a bloody tear after Damien razzes him. <br />
<br />
Then there’s the ending, when Damien lies dead on a stone slab in the churchyard. Jesus makes an appearance and jerkily spreads his arms in a poorly animated piece: <br />
</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkxnKr9ISlZng-4vwzp_DiW5mbFXHiEepaxaJODCqLXgxFzy_5DXeHyIBfTUz9KXKbk8HPEDD2Qo1FXPnA3k5HEmmM2oOSMzy_vnYl1pYhRAYggS1vBcr8K2KTqn_b2bJrWSH0lh0Ngc/s400/images-34.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">God does a really lame victory dance<span style="font-size: small;">.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkxnKr9ISlZng-4vwzp_DiW5mbFXHiEepaxaJODCqLXgxFzy_5DXeHyIBfTUz9KXKbk8HPEDD2Qo1FXPnA3k5HEmmM2oOSMzy_vnYl1pYhRAYggS1vBcr8K2KTqn_b2bJrWSH0lh0Ngc/s1600/images-34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<b>Vitamin Fun: 50% </b><br />
<br />
This installment is rather tedious, and it shoves more Biblical quotes down your throat than the previous movies do. Damien’s speeches and the monks’ incompetent assassination attempts are easily the best moments in the movie. <br />
<br />
<b>Sugar: 10% </b><br />
<br />
God triumphs in the end, but we may all be laughing too hard (or asleep) to notice. <br />
<br />
<b>Plot Fiber: 0% </b><br />
<br />
Like its predecessors, this movie suffers from a million plot holes. However, <i>Omen III </i>goes a step further by contradicting the earlier movies. In the original <i>Omen</i>, Bugenhagen clearly explains to Robert Thorn that Robert must stab Damien with seven sacred daggers—each dagger stab will extinguish a part of Damien’s soul. But in <i>Omen III</i>, just one dagger will suffice. <br />
<br />
So, if only one dagger will do the job, why can’t the monks succeed in killing Damien? These have got to be some of the least butt-kicking monks to exist in Hollywood. According to Hollywood, all monks have at least some training in martial arts or basic weaponry, but these monks are at least as dumb as the satanic minions. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDGksXnDxPh2Uax3NDVUB9yi-0ngpYvoK_btU57CQ4HqlhLzS3UmaqyNXhvhyphenhyphenJTGL1bIv5kMW8jqWZyzFFhhmta6DKXk3tiq9yTx8FFzhT7303_wuWHzRo5KBOoAPHKvg15XVHjl5sCDmD/s320/images-25.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm riding a white horse. That ought to guarantee moral victory!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDGksXnDxPh2Uax3NDVUB9yi-0ngpYvoK_btU57CQ4HqlhLzS3UmaqyNXhvhyphenhyphenJTGL1bIv5kMW8jqWZyzFFhhmta6DKXk3tiq9yTx8FFzhT7303_wuWHzRo5KBOoAPHKvg15XVHjl5sCDmD/s1600/images-25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here’s what the monks do wrong: <br />
<br />
1) They publicly announce their intention to kill Damien…while Damien walks past them. <br />
<br />
2) Like Satan’s minions throughout the films thus far, the monks cook up impossibly convoluted schemes to trap and kill Damien. This results in Damien playing Whack-a-Monk. For instance, one monk tries to ride down a cable a la Tarzan while Damien is interviewed in a TV studio. Damien sparks a fire, and when the monk swings through it, he burns up. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy69HR_qJr_8ijR7KSahGYrjHu4uGN-Jv5HKkLHVgizxEWZLgoivOKD-WFlykV6yOgKovJAKgXwR6OFfM4fcawIhUTvr0AaY6Sc36-0GYU5TKI-xevLhpapuVUhSM46rFCiY3QuSwtDDAJ/s320/images-28.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The TV studio--as you can see, the '70s' influence lingered into the early '80s.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy69HR_qJr_8ijR7KSahGYrjHu4uGN-Jv5HKkLHVgizxEWZLgoivOKD-WFlykV6yOgKovJAKgXwR6OFfM4fcawIhUTvr0AaY6Sc36-0GYU5TKI-xevLhpapuVUhSM46rFCiY3QuSwtDDAJ/s1600/images-28.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The second attempt involves luring “Damien” out into a ruined church in the countryside, then cornering him. (This is the fake lightning scene.) One of Damien’s minion Rottweilers, however, tricks the monk into thinking the man is Damien, when it’s actually one of their fellow monks. The monks stab their fellow, then walk straight into a pit and die. <br />
<br />
The final attempt involves tricking Damien away from the other hunters during a fox hunt, and then cornering him on a bridge. Would have worked well, but the monks forgot to bring a gun to shoot all the evil foxhounds. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ64WYGutpKWq2I9WuKygHCKBM66Gy630iJX5PJRgJP3UeWtw7DNybliLkslpss56t9kmdeVF4qQcCAr-hHrTBdVfNixy2Bl2q4dJlMypqOMOE-fITkOD2dbEz19G0chdapJBHB0XFK7Xs/s400/images-36.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oops.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ64WYGutpKWq2I9WuKygHCKBM66Gy630iJX5PJRgJP3UeWtw7DNybliLkslpss56t9kmdeVF4qQcCAr-hHrTBdVfNixy2Bl2q4dJlMypqOMOE-fITkOD2dbEz19G0chdapJBHB0XFK7Xs/s1600/images-36.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why didn’t the monks just rush Damien in a crowd when they had the chance? <br />
<br />
Enough about the monks. The minions are marginally smarter than the monks in the movie, but the first killing was rather pointless. In order to become Ambassador to England, Damien’s minions have to first kill the current one. The ambassador is walking along in the park, then a Rottweiler Jedi-mind-tricks him into killing himself. But does the ambassador simply take a gun to his head? No. The Rottweiler apparently told the ambassador to set up an elaborate gun rig in his office. He positions a handgun on his desk, ties the trigger to the doorknob, and calls a press conference. When the reporters open the door to begin the conference, it sets off the gun and he dies. Pretty impressive, that a dog can deliver such detailed instructions to a human. Heck, that Rottweiler probably could have written a better script!</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1PE6hjty8vL0H_31oTa8m0C1bhRhnV-IZtA4MNrMje0iq92o1uQfdAHJeRJ7KhPbmbLLNgFomuriPTyOZD6KGv5x9uFOgofmYsWMjk11Meniiue2evL7Bkmn4pD1tGo4T3ZMFIOyKkbMG/s320/17.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Harvard!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1PE6hjty8vL0H_31oTa8m0C1bhRhnV-IZtA4MNrMje0iq92o1uQfdAHJeRJ7KhPbmbLLNgFomuriPTyOZD6KGv5x9uFOgofmYsWMjk11Meniiue2evL7Bkmn4pD1tGo4T3ZMFIOyKkbMG/s1600/17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span> </div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-67917575039901951992010-10-13T21:48:00.000-04:002010-10-13T21:48:03.194-04:00Monsterwolf<span style="font-size: small;"></span><span style="font-size: small;"></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwNprmb5v6gOEW5fxa2I2M8ka6QLR2skT3JkbtrRh7RZrjMbaXxTEgIKSfs0-sCRIMHCIBggt-btrkhiNahJtG6q4VgBSuE-S-Noxt88Cin_2gBPFlY5L7QH1vhfMQk6NAhBpvVuYvSUfs/s1600/MWPoster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwNprmb5v6gOEW5fxa2I2M8ka6QLR2skT3JkbtrRh7RZrjMbaXxTEgIKSfs0-sCRIMHCIBggt-btrkhiNahJtG6q4VgBSuE-S-Noxt88Cin_2gBPFlY5L7QH1vhfMQk6NAhBpvVuYvSUfs/s400/MWPoster.jpg" width="300" /></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Okay, finally got around to posting a "31 Days of Halloween" movie from Syfy! <br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Angry spirit wolf, evil oil company, rednecks—now there’s a winning combo for a Syfy Original Movie! The cast has good chemistry, the story actually sort of makes sense, and the villains die gratifyingly violent deaths. Monsterwolf is not a rollicking pile of looniness like Mega Piranha, but it’s still a good romp. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Plot Summary </u></b><br />
<br />
During a secret, illegal drilling operation, an oil company called Holter Ex accidentally releases a vengeful Native American spirit wolf in Crowley, Louisiana. (Evil oil company in Louisiana? Gee, I wonder which major event inspired this movie?) The wolf goes after everybody associated with Holter Ex, and only the last living member of the Atakapa tribe can stop the wolf’s rampage. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh74jShPSkwfU-id7EBuqT5SIF9Tw9vvt_Nd9UB1EZoz3r74Ck6O-S7y6SOGo4kKu4qdNC-nngEjgOCHWRTgS8iVYO419g6Kv0maxQWKiqSCscber8wm6R-nUdbZ_V3XgIgNYs5Fv7XeXYQ/s1600/images-21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><u style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Nutrition Facts </b></u></span><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<b>Vitamin B-Acting: 40% </b><br />
<br />
All of the B-acting comes from the villain, Holter Ex CEO Mr. Stark (played by Robert Picardo, who was the doctor on “Star Trek: Voyager”). Picardo lays on the ham, which suits his role as the uberheartless CEO perfectly. Buy up neighborhood land? Done! Blow up the Native American artifacts so he can continue drilling unhindered? You bet! Shoot the Choctaw chief to stop a lawsuit against Holter Ex? Naturally! </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqmWPToeLFJ3XhtDjU6g7Ez1MPot2S1ycyz3rVSDX1WVfUxJ4fo4JFXxZL4otBV5ax_MI-1n70X2FA4Hy5CBHbCk6eeyeEInlfvJtRbiSfboDPvDMee4Z_LltDm7rbldW0f3I9Vn3h6YTA/s320/images-22.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">The one thing that terrifies Stark--the MEDIA!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqmWPToeLFJ3XhtDjU6g7Ez1MPot2S1ycyz3rVSDX1WVfUxJ4fo4JFXxZL4otBV5ax_MI-1n70X2FA4Hy5CBHbCk6eeyeEInlfvJtRbiSfboDPvDMee4Z_LltDm7rbldW0f3I9Vn3h6YTA/s1600/images-22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The other actors do their job, and not much more. Jason London has a major role as Yale, the female lead’s romantic interest—I note this only because his brother Jeremy has appeared in many fine, fine Syfy movies. More Londons can only mean good things for Syfy Original Movie fans. <br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin B-SFX: 30% </b><br />
<br />
The wolf is a fairly competent SFX by Syfy standards, but it’s still clearly fake, and the huge teeth will provoke some giggles. <br />
<br />
Unusually, the movie contains animated sequences. This occurs while Chief Turner of the Choctaws relates the sad tale of Kachinawea, aka “Monsterwolf.” (The captions had trouble settling upon the right spelling—KAchinawea? KUchinawea?) The animation, while far below Disney or Pixar’s level, was decent for the kind of movie it appeared in. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAOfxfEhRZbl56_cO42seuA-pKQu8c5JHOE-akkDfIsi7KhaTQVF_DHFU08tTkuAeHiPVD3jTl8z9GkVsuQRH6W9D8btvUviHEo_t5ppp5lB5tNTlBROShgAWjt63lq8BbHp7-F1SSdz60/s320/images-21.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Tremble, Tony Hayward!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAOfxfEhRZbl56_cO42seuA-pKQu8c5JHOE-akkDfIsi7KhaTQVF_DHFU08tTkuAeHiPVD3jTl8z9GkVsuQRH6W9D8btvUviHEo_t5ppp5lB5tNTlBROShgAWjt63lq8BbHp7-F1SSdz60/s1600/images-21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Vitamin Fun: 80% </b><br />
<br />
The story rolls along well, the acting is decent and hammy in all the right places. For a bonus, Yale and Maria (the female lead) are accompanied by Yale’s perpetually high/drunk redneck best friend, Chase. Frankly, Chase has no real reason to be in the story at all, except to offer his special brand of high/drunk advice. <br />
<br />
Oh, have I mentioned the squad of crack assassins that Stark hires to kill Chief Turner and Kachinawea? The squad’s leader is a man who’s like a cross between Samuel L. Jackson and Ving Rhames from “Con Air.” The leader dies a spectacularly fiery death by Kachinawea’s paw, of course. <br />
<br />
<b>Sugar: 30% </b><br />
<br />
There are two parts to the sugar in this movie. First, Maria herself. She left her tiny town to go to law school in New York. She starts the movie working for Stark, but then rediscovers her soul mate in Yale and realizes how far she was straying from the path of happiness and inner fulfillment. <br />
<br />
Secondly, Maria’s mother died in a car accident when she was 16…and Maria was driving the car. The accident happened because Maria’s mother had revealed that…MARIA WAS ADOPTED! Are you crying yet? (Guess who turns out to be the last living Atakapa, and the only person who can stop Kachinawea?) <br />
<br />
<b>Plot Fiber: 75% </b><br />
<br />
Surprisingly strong logic by Syfy movie standards. Kachinawea’s backstory makes sense in the context of the long history of troubled Native American-whites relationships. Otherwise, the plot follows Jaws pretty closely: monster pops up, people don’t believe it at first, and then the bodies pile up and they believe. <br />
<br />
Of course, not every moment in the movie makes sense—there’s a few times when Kachinawea goes after people who shouldn’t be on his hit list. But hey, the more carnage in a Syfy movie, the better, right? Compared with the gaping plot holes I’ve witnessed in other Syfy movies, I’m inclined to forgive the relatively small plot holes in Monsterwolf. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Supplements </u></b><br />
<br />
<b>Pseudoscience Pill: N/A <br />
<br />
Political Pill: 100% </b><br />
<br />
Big oil? Check. <br />
<br />
Native Americans vs. greedy white capitalists? Check. <br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">However, the way the movie is written, these political undercurrents are quite gratifying. Kachinawea inflicts bloody vengeance upon Big Oil, and also gets a good dig into evil white men on the Choctaws’ behalf. You’re more likely to enjoy this Political Pill rather than choke on it. <br />
<br />
<i>Likelihood of choking: 10% </i></span></div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-75903981165985912222010-10-10T12:54:00.002-04:002010-10-10T13:03:04.236-04:00Damien: Omen II<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2aC0yUIt02jrjv23GGQCsxAehoaG_FumjfTttY_jClODkW00fjhia1DvqYwAjX9J6Wnb9eORL_SHvWa6J-b5f2NQ006kZeoReeUF-xDjOx9eCn-g8YTMhrRXp-TsyMrD1tfcxcTF-jAzn/s1600/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="78" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2aC0yUIt02jrjv23GGQCsxAehoaG_FumjfTttY_jClODkW00fjhia1DvqYwAjX9J6Wnb9eORL_SHvWa6J-b5f2NQ006kZeoReeUF-xDjOx9eCn-g8YTMhrRXp-TsyMrD1tfcxcTF-jAzn/s400/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-YFM_88G_Xyce5AlvQevRJ-VhLrApiwvbTDWs7WC0YYkmkijuejm0KomJtJ6uNq1SR16Ou9IH_lxailjS6xIruyzbm9ohc09xEA6CjySlLsrAMyKDylcGZxYUbwyGCUkNBL2PaHRbwcFH/s1600/images-11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-YFM_88G_Xyce5AlvQevRJ-VhLrApiwvbTDWs7WC0YYkmkijuejm0KomJtJ6uNq1SR16Ou9IH_lxailjS6xIruyzbm9ohc09xEA6CjySlLsrAMyKDylcGZxYUbwyGCUkNBL2PaHRbwcFH/s320/images-11.jpg" width="219" /></a></div><br />
Oh boy, oh boy—if this sequel is any indicator, <i>The Omen </i>series is the kind that only “improves” with each movie. <i>Damien: Omen II </i>pumps up the bad acting, the ludicrous killings, and the plot idiocy. Plus, this one features an evil black raven! Best of all, it’s set in my hometown of Chicago! Go, Chicago! Really, it’s only appropriate, given what a pit of political corruption Chicago has been lately. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<u><b>Plot Summary </b></u><br />
<br />
Damien Thorn is now an obnoxious evil teenager who lives with his uncle’s family in the rich suburbs of Chicago. As he approaches the big 1-3, his demonic powers come into their own. Will the crazy Christians…um, I mean, the good people be able to convince Damien’s uncle (Robert Thorn’s brother) to kill Damien before he inherits the family business and TAKES OVER THE WORLD OMG?!? <br />
<br />
<u><b>Nutrition Facts </b></u><br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin B-Acting: 75% </b><br />
<br />
Jonathan Scott-Taylor, who plays Damien, has about as much acting talent as Harvey Stephens—so in other words, none at all. I applaud the moviemakers for at least achieving internal consistency on the point of Damien’s acting. The highlight of Scott-Taylor’s “acting” occurs right before he kills his cousin Mark. Damien bellows a short monologue starting with: “Born in the image of the greatest power in the world! The Desolate One.” There's just something about listening to a baby-faced 13-year-old say those lines with no emotion...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpd-l1prPwVbKundV3cTv52WnDfLTwOUKHT3RoONLX6MJATAvmFTQyA7FBZqjMj-b-X669TRy_Pras3lHGuB4NCOaMrOomBVVLL0HcMlADaUZ9XdDOjRbILC31OZHYHWbiSopcK_uar79Y/s400/images-17.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Desolate One, Jr.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpd-l1prPwVbKundV3cTv52WnDfLTwOUKHT3RoONLX6MJATAvmFTQyA7FBZqjMj-b-X669TRy_Pras3lHGuB4NCOaMrOomBVVLL0HcMlADaUZ9XdDOjRbILC31OZHYHWbiSopcK_uar79Y/s1600/images-17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>William Holden, as Damien’s uncle Richard, is the Featured Embarrassed Actor for this movie. <i>Omen II</i> can hardly hope to compete with the likes of <i>Sunset Boulevard, Stalag 17</i>, and <i>The Bridge on the River Kwai</i>. <br />
<br />
There are a few fun cameos here. If you watch this movie, you’re likely to recognize Aunt Marion as the lawyer Juno from <i>Beetlejuice </i>(Sylvia Sidney), and Pasarian as Dr. Sidney Freedman from "MASH" (Allan Arbus). <br />
<br />
<b>Vitamin B-SFX: 95% </b><br />
<br />
<i>Omen II</i>’s special effects are worse than the original film’s. One thing you’ll notice is the prominence of the color red. Joan Hart, a reporter who knows what Damien really is, sports a coat with a humongous feather collar made of a retina-melting shade of bright red. How much more marked for death can a person be, with a coat like that? Forget knowing that Damien is the Antichrist. That coat was a fashion crime punishable only by death! </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYwry-p6BaVIqdESKKOF7cpM07KBlbU32gokt7j4WmbV9Bli5Fy4YhHnvlImYl3BywKnJgiPXIZsmEUbdbL8bfs3KXt3We6mqDUz3aYEcXHvHoBHfY2MSUZTpUfJICXpqyAdHzkrK_LNRJ/s400/images-14.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"How DARE you? This coat does NOT make me look like a streetwalker!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYwry-p6BaVIqdESKKOF7cpM07KBlbU32gokt7j4WmbV9Bli5Fy4YhHnvlImYl3BywKnJgiPXIZsmEUbdbL8bfs3KXt3We6mqDUz3aYEcXHvHoBHfY2MSUZTpUfJICXpqyAdHzkrK_LNRJ/s1600/images-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>And yes, Joan does die. She’s driving on a rural roadway after spying on Damien at military school, and the evil crow swoops down and pecks out her eyes. Then a large truck conveniently arrives to run over Joan. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
Red next appears when a doctor who notices abnormalities in Damien’s blood has to die. First, we see a line of beakers with bubbly red liquid glowing as the camera zooms in on Dr. Kane. BTW, I’m sure that the American Medical Association mandates all doctors to keep ominously bubbling beakers in their offices.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Yz3CAFT0ZL4-6Y-w0zS3WclS3FEy7CFR0eR0yidWeQCan5gQhliEx4YJhhj8RgCuz6-FKVdYdfecWNfO3J7JTlc2nIxS5uRDFsPld4IPUY2v5DoTbhFAzB5TrjzYGcGoSYqdLqp_p4H_/s400/images-18.jpg" width="400" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Yz3CAFT0ZL4-6Y-w0zS3WclS3FEy7CFR0eR0yidWeQCan5gQhliEx4YJhhj8RgCuz6-FKVdYdfecWNfO3J7JTlc2nIxS5uRDFsPld4IPUY2v5DoTbhFAzB5TrjzYGcGoSYqdLqp_p4H_/s1600/images-18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><br />
Anyway, Dr. Kane realizes that Damien has jackal blood, and runs off with the samples to consult a colleague. He enters a stairway painted BRIGHT RED with an elevator shaft in the center. (I’m pretty sure that this is the Red Stairwell at the Museum of Science and Industry, but I’m not certain.) Needless to say, this proves to be the Elevator of Doom for good Dr. Kane, and he proceeds to die in a hilariously unconvincing manner. (More details to come later in this post!) <br />
<br />
The other notably goofy SFX don’t feature red, but they have no trouble standing out on their own merits. When Dr. Kane dies, for instance, the things sticking out of his sliced body look suspiciously like bedsprings. The blood on Joan Hart’s face looks a lot like water with red food dye added to it. <br />
<br />
Then there’s “Vigael’s Wall.” This is supposed to be an ancient wall with portraits of the Antichrist from the four stages of his life. The first, of course, looks just like Harvey Stephens from the first Omen. I’ll let the picture speak for itself: <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKAmWEf96Y8W11j14N9iE6BoyGX632AEZbmzT4AOrqMFWNYTLnG8ZOkIxodXH1Jsh_0UG-UL-_xKbELHXLSRXgbtDOsQPeDI6oGjKfD5G96rebl-d46-b-cNN0dtYtYxGNNabmOr8Itx9R/s400/images-16.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sparkly snakes!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKAmWEf96Y8W11j14N9iE6BoyGX632AEZbmzT4AOrqMFWNYTLnG8ZOkIxodXH1Jsh_0UG-UL-_xKbELHXLSRXgbtDOsQPeDI6oGjKfD5G96rebl-d46-b-cNN0dtYtYxGNNabmOr8Itx9R/s1600/images-16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><b>Vitamin Fun: 50%</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><br />
</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">More enjoyable than the first movie--the ramped-up silliness is guaranteed to make you laugh plenty. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Sugar: 10% </b> <br />
<br />
I think the movie intends us to think that Damien struggles a little with learning he’s the Antichrist, and then when he pulls a Darth Vader on Mark. However, these scenes are so poorly written and acted that they ultimately have no emotional effect on the viewer. <br />
<br />
<b>Plot Fiber: 0% </b><br />
<br />
Looking back on my review for <i>The Omen</i>, I probably should have given it a Plot Fiber rating of 5%. The original film certainly seems more logical than <i>Omen II</i>. <br />
<br />
1) Again with the overly convoluted deaths. Why peck out Joan Hart’s eyes in the first place? Why not just have a truck ram into her car? <br />
<br />
The Elevator of Doom is easily the silliest death in the entire movie, though. Here are the details: Dr. Kane gets in the elevator. Instead of going down, it goes all the way to the top, then free falls. Then it stops on the third floor, and Dr. Kane is still okay. But the safety cables break loose, and when they fall they slice through the elevator and slice Dr. Kane in half! (You can see the bedsprings sticking out of his “body” then.) Why not just let the elevator smash into the ground? That would have done the job plenty well. Apparently Satan has never watched "Mythbusters." <br />
<br />
The death of Charles Warren, the Field Museum curator, is tough to believe as well—why would he not have seen that runaway train coming from ten miles away? Wouldn’t it have been much easier to just leave him to the NYC muggers? <br />
<br />
Speaking of the Field Museum, I was really disappointed that the moviemakers didn’t have the T-Rex skeleton collapse and kill a character. That would have been awesome! Maybe they thought that would be “too much”? <br />
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2) Once again, the minions drop the ball constantly. The worst one in this movie is Damien’s aunt, Ann, played by Lee Grant. She had the easiest access to intelligence regarding people who suspected Damien’s true identity. All of these people, naturally, then stay alive long enough to awaken her husband’s suspicions. Did Ann really need to wait until Richard had the sacrificial daggers in his hands? (Though that moment when she yells “DAMIEN!!!” in that orgasmic way is a bucket of laughs.)<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9NyiMhD4v1-EtORIPWJlfPMSttcQETJUTnrlFC-NvCfMixUxHhdJfWaH81ohgaFHT0RRM1QKYFnGguRR60_VgnZEnDQ0QouEylthIqU-pO0oPjXt83CXkg_UdrcBeCpeNExutgPhBC9m/s400/images-19.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aunt Ann--before going out in a blaze of glory</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9NyiMhD4v1-EtORIPWJlfPMSttcQETJUTnrlFC-NvCfMixUxHhdJfWaH81ohgaFHT0RRM1QKYFnGguRR60_VgnZEnDQ0QouEylthIqU-pO0oPjXt83CXkg_UdrcBeCpeNExutgPhBC9m/s1600/images-19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>3) The way Joan Hart and Charles Warren transform into crazy religious fanatics irritates me. Yes, if the Antichrist really did exist, and you knew the truth, you’d likely be terrified. But how does panicking help? Besides, if they watched Father Brennan in the first movie, they’d know that rushing up to a main character and screaming at them to “take Christ into your heart RIGHT NOW” doesn’t help at all.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u><b>Supplements </b></u></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Pseudoscience Pill: N/A <br />
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Political Pill: 5% </b> <br />
There is some talk about whether Richard’s agricultural company should pursue a strategy that would likely lead to famine. (If you guessed that the evil Antichrist allies within the company proposed the strategy, you get a sticker!) However, the opposing strategies for the company are so far apart on the axis of good and evil that the politics, if there really is any, is very shallow. <br />
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<i>Likelihood of choking: 0%</i><br />
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Tune in next Sunday for the <i>Omen III</i>--the Sam Neill version!<i> </i><br />
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</i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLtO8rfOKe83eZkeT3cZQ-TIz553fDaMibZFy-WYi7WtGDrFzqiu5SLhnlLutnivKssBV_xDiJN4us2mPzzNnQJOhNgQRMfVDc0lNPdjOOFa3_tv_SpWGB_peXXnwlrWyKBoTkMVpvAIUB/s1600/damien3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLtO8rfOKe83eZkeT3cZQ-TIz553fDaMibZFy-WYi7WtGDrFzqiu5SLhnlLutnivKssBV_xDiJN4us2mPzzNnQJOhNgQRMfVDc0lNPdjOOFa3_tv_SpWGB_peXXnwlrWyKBoTkMVpvAIUB/s320/damien3.jpg" width="242" /></a></div><i><br />
</i></div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-79419448721642190952010-10-03T12:16:00.003-04:002010-10-03T12:22:47.293-04:00The Omen (1976)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp4lI0ZMWH7qpV0HrQjOLQxBVMIkxuTmZ8V5D_B8gMMGMcy6J6Txwf9Zg_84mZqSOZEM5M6VbXdtkaPkGWSeQ63L9-AAVOSR7yI_FDaHE3LCYPP5ST8mp8-wZDfksUdEx5xA-ahVjAITWz/s1600/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="77" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp4lI0ZMWH7qpV0HrQjOLQxBVMIkxuTmZ8V5D_B8gMMGMcy6J6Txwf9Zg_84mZqSOZEM5M6VbXdtkaPkGWSeQ63L9-AAVOSR7yI_FDaHE3LCYPP5ST8mp8-wZDfksUdEx5xA-ahVjAITWz/s400/Satanic+Sundays+Banner.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWUED770QoSzlVu27nnojOla4-D3-9FgOrGdHlc7bVLtOV9HUKcIrM40a3WT0f0ExdeSVEy0K0POcR4LeFoXhWy-LZF2MyrczUd6xqblRPoJ7UnuA1xCCJTK02gOZh3KlKKn7l9Fl17UcT/s1600/the-omen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWUED770QoSzlVu27nnojOla4-D3-9FgOrGdHlc7bVLtOV9HUKcIrM40a3WT0f0ExdeSVEy0K0POcR4LeFoXhWy-LZF2MyrczUd6xqblRPoJ7UnuA1xCCJTK02gOZh3KlKKn7l9Fl17UcT/s320/the-omen.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i> The Omen</i> is the sort of movie that creates a sharp divide: either you believe it’s a genuinely creepy movie, or you think it’s a bad movie. To be fair, <i>The Omen</i> creeped me out the first time I saw it when I was about 12. Then I saw it a second time, and I found myself thinking one thing: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Why would the Devil be so dumb?” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That one question ended any chance that I would consider <i>The Omen</i> a good movie. I have other reasons for thinking it’s a bad movie, but the “stupid Satan” reason outweighs the rest. If you want to defend <i>The Omen</i>, please feel free to do so in the comments—just remember this isn’t the place for theological debates. </span><br />
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<u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Summary </span></b></u><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Ambassador Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) and his wife Katherine (Lee Remick) live in London with their perfect little boy, Damien (Harvey Stephens). But then Damien’s nanny kills herself, and a weird middle-aged lady replaces her. Baboons attack Damien and Katherine. Strange men pester Thorn with talk of the Apocalypse. Gradually, Thorn puts together the signs and figures out that Damien is really the Antichrist. Can Thorn bring himself to kill the boy? </span><br />
<u><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts </span></b></u><br />
<b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 60% </span></b> <br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Harvey Stephens cannot act. His attempt to display fright in the baboon attack scene is hilariously bad. Stephens’ face is like a mask—emotion doesn’t penetrate into his eyes. Having no empathy might be appropriate for the Antichrist. But given how the movie claims that the Antichrist will rise from the world of politics, it’s very difficult to see how this Damien could be a successful politician. Politicians need charm and charisma; Damien has neither. I’d wager that people would be more likely to look at 5-year-old Damien and think, “That boy is going to be a serial killer.” The acting and script just don’t mesh in Damien’s case. </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzjwgIk06Rsh4ZI1EWbDzv1iRw30P5J-U5K1cEtQg36Oje51a3pkppFJZlU-ehfddMx62Tv01ej-tp4ITMxUhlUU4O6Z1xrsnrxXM6RM7MGoBUqzzTQhvoPcmqpOU8GWjpdwWm-XTGqmD/s320/images-8.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"NO! NO! I WON'T ACT!!!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The acting of Gregory Peck, Lee Remick and David Warner (the photographer) is not awful, but it isn’t particularly great, either. Peck appears on the edge of falling asleep several times. His performance often seems rather ponderous at times, which is also true of the movie in general. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Hamminess Award goes to Billie Whitelaw, who really rocks her crazy-eyed demonic governess role in the climax. </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZWPpJGiWREbzyrCrLcezoKEv18T6yAzgZd5OWa4o_eEf9EmmdP_0VxCmvUpkY4QQ60uAuMzWm3Np6O1uthMqLOSCo4mURnhIsVpgGGkFLIGi6JrzVqhDaTJ5EWTfW26fuKaPyK28QU9ZU/s400/images-7.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mrs. Blaylock, Damien's, er, VERY devoted nanny</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZWPpJGiWREbzyrCrLcezoKEv18T6yAzgZd5OWa4o_eEf9EmmdP_0VxCmvUpkY4QQ60uAuMzWm3Np6O1uthMqLOSCo4mURnhIsVpgGGkFLIGi6JrzVqhDaTJ5EWTfW26fuKaPyK28QU9ZU/s1600/images-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 85% </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The makeup job on Father Spiletto looks fake, and the photographer’s death is ridiculous. However, I’m thinking primarily of the music here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My DVD version’s captions write out the Latin chanting in full. The music itself is already relentless and overused, but having the words visible only made the music seem even more idiotic to me. The music really spoils the events onscreen, because it tends to kick up well before a death occurs. We already have Satan announcing his murders well in advance—do we really need the music telling us when a death is about to happen, too? </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 30% </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is the sort of movie that’s best watched with fellow hecklers, because otherwise it will be painfully slow and boring. (Except for Harvey Stephens’ attempts at acting and the incredibly forced plot contrivances, of course.) </span><br />
<b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 0% </span></b> <br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nothing will make you cry in this movie, unless it’s laughter, or the music finally gets to you. </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 0% </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If I was Satan from <i>The Omen</i>, I’d send this memo to my minions: </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) Thou shalt not kill using ridiculously convoluted methods in public places. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Beheaded by a glass plate in a place full of tourists? A hanging in front of at least 50 witnesses? Please, minions, just shoot them in a dark alleyway next time. </span></i><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNw-OgCkw21M-ieaaAvICxbcyC_9ePdNkkiAZKSBAIRzmuMqVVPi3Xu30JnEkJvY3kn0kSjZJnZnLgRXYxliZ9akKR4UjLuw2W5K8Y3UcxxCLRDuDZwVHy1FezwvP1QQm16cBRiUPevWq/s320/images-6.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>2) Thou shalt not announce thy murders—or thy killing methods—in advance.</i> </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Clean up after your demonic auras so they don’t show up in photos, or in any other media. Seriously, how careless is it to leave an aura in the shape of the murder weapon you’ll use? </span></i><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9eAfpl-gHrPTuCXBojuGxbqIhBBzvo5FfEg9etWjSB9AWMfwCQ031IYzbzscMxLQ5y7omYumKOR_6JCdSguMGDkUL8YkHOofOUNngWbgOOeWE75jSy91s6M6AOH1u-g7-84-aashvhgzt/s320/omen.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Death by spear--foretold in about 100 photos taken of the priest beforehand</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9eAfpl-gHrPTuCXBojuGxbqIhBBzvo5FfEg9etWjSB9AWMfwCQ031IYzbzscMxLQ5y7omYumKOR_6JCdSguMGDkUL8YkHOofOUNngWbgOOeWE75jSy91s6M6AOH1u-g7-84-aashvhgzt/s1600/omen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3) Thou shalt dispose of all trace of thy earthly activities. </span></i> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You just left the bones of Damien’s real mother in a grave that anyone could find after a little investigating? </span></i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEias-1D54xrCVb8-zpppXP2N_WIX8SF7pdL-_5REMlTfxhjofQfdABV0aOfODkmMw5mY4Yaw0R8FY3VYGLv2sDXXi-dQtqEVwGY8NFFN0PsClR9QDe_9YEi4PlFB_M3IlmMUMZIX9YcZSM1/s1600/peck2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEias-1D54xrCVb8-zpppXP2N_WIX8SF7pdL-_5REMlTfxhjofQfdABV0aOfODkmMw5mY4Yaw0R8FY3VYGLv2sDXXi-dQtqEVwGY8NFFN0PsClR9QDe_9YEi4PlFB_M3IlmMUMZIX9YcZSM1/s320/peck2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Give me a break, minions! We have plenty of fires in Hell hot enough to incinerate remains! And why, exactly, did you leave all those people who knew about the Antichrist alive for so long? Bugenhagen, Father Brennan, and Father Spiletto should all have been killed as soon as they went against my mission.<b> IDIOTS!!!</b></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And this would be my personal list of New Year’s resolutions, as Satan: </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) Father an Antichrist who is not an antisocial twerp. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2) Ensure that future Antichrists’ human guardians can actually pass for normal in the real world. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3) Next time, use poodles instead of Rottweilers. Better yet, use Newfoundlands. Nobody expects a demonic Newfoundland! </span></i> <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKpKiR60K1d0S_o-13Gpc8rYfHdEDeq8kY1Fze_tQtWIDVpEmaVHnLr0XuhIv-7KJ3ub3xdhuvsby5N_U74d6EdNfvGK9X3nQWZ5P1Fd0q0cXId12VLdLje9VKy23oIc_FUwFnYq8Nz02j/s1600/Demon+Newfie.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Pseudoscience and Political Pills: N/A </span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-84139541092681252012010-10-02T18:23:00.003-04:002010-10-02T18:26:21.067-04:00October Plans<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hello, dear readers! I've got a few special plans for this month: </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) SATANIC SUNDAYS</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It's October--I have to work in a Halloween-type movie, right? So this month, I'll watch and post reviews on every movie in "The Omen" series. These posts will go up every Sunday, hence "Satanic Sundays." Tomorrow will be the original "Omen," followed by its three increasingly sucky sequels. I will also review the remake of "The Omen" on Halloween. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2) THE 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is prime, prime Syfy Original movie season. Every year Syfy Channel has a "31 Days of Halloween" movie fest. They basically use it as an excuse to play every single movie they have. Unfortunately, it won't be possible for me to review a movie for every day in October, but I will post reviews on a few choice movies this month. (No, I'm not going to spoil the surprise by telling you what I plan to review.)</span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6078274656248176848.post-54885524937244903562010-09-26T13:48:00.000-04:002010-09-26T13:48:25.217-04:00Sharktopus<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjed58eIu-0PThctDbqaOoDrxvcjwJ1IJ8xmnNKOCKdUeVce16pOiChSEbcGWkKoEcu7HGt5S302IThndyf5DdIKbEy10wXVPcC6hMlvcSEBwXK4NzbZcgWkWKlw0Z4yQVC6d-AQNJzoVgu/s1600/Sharktopus_Plush.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaDwGGysbmZwFKxoauMvmtKn-GebyyYJtIGQsdAao8Yi_uNvkR414Ti1EGNq466zU00wKglIxv1NwLW1TshQaOiDtYidWFcD2kCGJhQ5KYbEuXxuw88jsm5DRLcYlMrPfHBfimabdln8K8/s1600/sharktopus-trailer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaDwGGysbmZwFKxoauMvmtKn-GebyyYJtIGQsdAao8Yi_uNvkR414Ti1EGNq466zU00wKglIxv1NwLW1TshQaOiDtYidWFcD2kCGJhQ5KYbEuXxuw88jsm5DRLcYlMrPfHBfimabdln8K8/s320/sharktopus-trailer.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl0wm88h7Exuoc83pdCgUG7sMgZvZCZAYiAsAambi19qWhd7sq0t_dFUNXoqaQKPBA0avjwro-6jcLst1CTCHzmjzP4wOgjIUHVzpGbMhl0VvczuVFLtjRdB0RgNI4QYQBMuPpXwhKYYcs/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Another Roger Corman production with an awesome monster along the lines of <i>Mega Piranha</i>! This one doesn’t have the same amount of life in it as <i>Mega Piranha</i>, but still well worth watching for the sharktopus alone. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Summary </span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sands (Eric Roberts) and his daughter Nicole have created a half-shark, half-octupus creature as a military weapon. Unfortunately, Sharktopus’ wiring goes haywire, and the creature goes on a killing spree along the Puerto Vallarta shoreline. Can Andy, who used to work for Sands, and Nicole stop Sharktopus from killing all the bikini-clad lovelies? </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nutrition Facts </span></b></u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-Acting: 50% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Most of the acting from the leads is tongue-in-cheek—the actors are clearly in on the joke. Eric Roberts’ cynical, relaxed demeanor served the movie well—the character of Sands is the sort who believes that “civilian deaths are a tragedy, but it’s the price of greatness.” Roberts is the kind of actor I always enjoy watching, even in dorky movies like <i>Best of the Best</i>. (BTW, when I say most of the acting is “tongue-in-cheek, I don’t mean that it’s necessarily GOOD acting. The other actors sink admirably to the usual substellar level of Syfy acting.) </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The other actor who obviously enjoyed her role was Liv Boughn, who played the reporter Stacy Everheart. And I’d bet $100 that the scriptwriters purposely gave the character a porny name. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin B-SFX: 95% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The sharktopus is oh so gloriously fake. Here’s a list of the awesome things it does: </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmzzybl27JGv8nA1ERDuGZyrJLUlrRqMdeU22jk6352fklk3SAACbMTkkRlFY3dwhlcZ5jjzZZb4R_V9n3NaGgRStuee5zomrhN7ITFKKIgxEtKhmWiGZALlp7tDOwIav8zW4fgG-dinwZ/s1600/images-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmzzybl27JGv8nA1ERDuGZyrJLUlrRqMdeU22jk6352fklk3SAACbMTkkRlFY3dwhlcZ5jjzZZb4R_V9n3NaGgRStuee5zomrhN7ITFKKIgxEtKhmWiGZALlp7tDOwIav8zW4fgG-dinwZ/s1600/images-3.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--It eats a few of its victims the way we eat hotdogs. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--It snaps a woman off a bungee line, and a man off a jungle trapeze line. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--It climbs onto various beaches and buildings on the shore. We also get to see it crawl around on land. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--It takes down a yacht. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">--It stabs (and sometimes beheads) its victims with steel-tipped tentacles. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I should add that its gills are adorned with spikes, and that the sharktopus honors the b-movie law requiring all sharks to growl underwater. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Vitamin Fun: 65% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The movie starts off strong, then about 35 minutes in there’s a long stretch when it drags, and then it picks up again about 20 minutes away from the end. During that slow stretch Eric Roberts stays offscreen most of the time, and there isn’t as much Sharktopus action—the best Sharktopus bits come in the first and last parts of the movie. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Even so, Asylum Films and Syfy have figured out that a good monster ups the fun in Syfy Original Movies considerably. Sharktopus is undeniably the star of the show, which makes this movie one of the more fun Syfy offerings. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sugar: 30% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There’s quite a bit of forced romantic tension between Nicole and Andy—another reason I kicked down the Vitamin Fun rating a few notches. Romance gets tedious quickly in Syfy movies, at least for me. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Also, the plot features father-daughter tension between Sands and Nicole. Nicole gets angry at Sands for leading her into an unethical project, despite the fact that she pretty much gave up her life to become a top-level scientist to please him. But all is forgiven at the end, when Sands die after Sharktopus slits his throat with a steel-tipped tentacle. (You go, Sharktopus!) </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Plot Fiber: 30% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The plot’s pretty straightforward, so not as many jaw-dropping plot twists as in other Syfy flicks. Still, there are some plot elements that bear further scrutiny: </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1) The whole idea of Sharktopus in the first place. Just how effective a military weapon can it be if you can just kill it with one well-placed missile? </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2) Why do Nicole and Sands chase Sharktopus in a small, open-air boat with so few weapons? I get they have to keep their pursuit of Sharktopus a secret, but still, they could have gone out in a larger boat without attracting undue attention. </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQGTZAkZYR0QxhXgEyH4hsL_WB12An3Z0PrW-MpGyw2roCWAzLIaB4XkrAV1dTByRJ96UtHmM20QnhihkEbdlZz-kU8qysTCg425lvxy7k4WE0-gPF0nOFgBos24TBgDvsLv1uR4lBmKC7/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQGTZAkZYR0QxhXgEyH4hsL_WB12An3Z0PrW-MpGyw2roCWAzLIaB4XkrAV1dTByRJ96UtHmM20QnhihkEbdlZz-kU8qysTCg425lvxy7k4WE0-gPF0nOFgBos24TBgDvsLv1uR4lBmKC7/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3) Speaking of Sands, he keeps insisting that Sharktopus “planned this ambush” and that he’s “highly intelligent.” To me this sounded a lot like the “psychic” shark from <i>Jaws: The Revenge. </i></span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">4) Like every other seabeast b-movie, the sharktopus prefers resort areas with lots of bikini babes and lusty young men. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">5) A minor character named Pez Kingsberry gets one glimpse of the sharktopus early in the movie, and instantly turns into a raging alcoholic overnight. (Pez serves as Stacy Everheart’s source for the sharktopus story.) Why not just flee inland? (And is "Pez Kingsberry" another porny name?)</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><u><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Supplements: </span></b></u><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Pseudoscience Pill: 20% </span></b><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The movie doesn’t go into the details of Sharktopus’ genetic engineering, which is kind of a shame because that really had potential for loopy pseudoscience. The most we get is that Roberts had the team tweak Sharktopus’ serotonin levels to make him more aggressive. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But the bit that raised my eyebrows concerns Sharktopus’ remote control unit. At the beginning of the film, Sharktopus sports a metal contraption on his head by which Nicole transmits electric signals that control his neural impulses. I seriously question how effective that would be in real life, though I know that implantable devices exist for controlling certain types of epilepsy. </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The truly implausible part of the remote control unit is the fail-safe device though. The kill switch also depends on a remote connection, so once Sharktopus’ contraption gets broken, there’s no way to kill him! UNLESS…the characters shoot an “interface dart” that will magically avoid breaking the implanted device in Sharktopus’ head and re-establish the remote connection to the kill switch. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Likelihood of choking: 40% </span></i><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Political Pill: 5% </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /></b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Lip service is paid to the ethical questions behind genetic engineering, but Sharktopus usually interrupts the characters’ rants before they get too long. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Likelihood of choking: 0% </span></i><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">PS—Do a Google search and check out all the awesome tributes to Sharktopus imaginative fans have come up with. These two are my favorites: </span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd1ZTaHBH9BE8lJ7gLofuUhBAmftKIK-7klBHxtt8oAlKbwIOW5eBqcu9N46MvD8-bS-eZjCwNDNbK-yz3GbUe9AbUR7hKgjuQV8bsn4s5hBw9DwfXayZr7U5fQOS_bpJ2gevnnVzo9H1r/s320/sharktopus.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Origami Sharktopus!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd1ZTaHBH9BE8lJ7gLofuUhBAmftKIK-7klBHxtt8oAlKbwIOW5eBqcu9N46MvD8-bS-eZjCwNDNbK-yz3GbUe9AbUR7hKgjuQV8bsn4s5hBw9DwfXayZr7U5fQOS_bpJ2gevnnVzo9H1r/s1600/sharktopus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjed58eIu-0PThctDbqaOoDrxvcjwJ1IJ8xmnNKOCKdUeVce16pOiChSEbcGWkKoEcu7HGt5S302IThndyf5DdIKbEy10wXVPcC6hMlvcSEBwXK4NzbZcgWkWKlw0Z4yQVC6d-AQNJzoVgu/s320/Sharktopus_Plush.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OOH--a cuddly Sharktopus!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjed58eIu-0PThctDbqaOoDrxvcjwJ1IJ8xmnNKOCKdUeVce16pOiChSEbcGWkKoEcu7HGt5S302IThndyf5DdIKbEy10wXVPcC6hMlvcSEBwXK4NzbZcgWkWKlw0Z4yQVC6d-AQNJzoVgu/s1600/Sharktopus_Plush.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505706122472793577noreply@blogger.com0